Wan-kaaaahhh.
Yessss as BBC Anchor Jeremy Paxman would say
... hoh ho ho!!
Only a week to go now though huh!!!
... Does Jessie Broon
... and the rest of his keech-smelling eejits
... know the way to the nearest Social Security Offices
... in their Sooon-to-be-FORMER constituencies (to sign-on 'the Dole' ... with the rest of the great-unwashed they have crapped on for the last 13 years)??
Guess 'Sam Cam' got
... a raahhhhh-ttt good shag
... from David Cameron this morning
... as Tory orgasmic joy reached uncontrollable levels of exstatic un-adulterated glee??
Ahh suppose you expect politicos to occasionally make 'unscripted' remarks these days huh??
Spin-doctor faggot-boy-in-chief
... Peter Mandelson probably chocked on sperm this morning
... whilst him and his fellow-arse-bandid partner were pushing the fudge huh??
Nae luck dum-dum ...!!
Ahh well next week it will be all over huh!!!
Thursday 29 April 2010
Wednesday 28 April 2010
Looper Straat … Parte Uno
Two comatose forms were wheeled off the plane in stretchers.
“Ready for onward transportation to Yorkshire, just sign here pal!”
Simmons signed the Release Form and took charge of the two wounded ones.
He was glad to leave RAF Brize Norton.
The trip up the A1 was boring.
Kelly was a complete cynic.
“How come we always get to do this stuff Sir??”
“Shut-up and concentrate oan the drivin’ numpty!!”
Kelly went silent for the first time.
Captain Henderson was from South Lanarkshire from a small town near Glasgow.
“Right Kelly pull o’er here and wull huv a wee rest fur lunch!”
“Ok Captain …!” Kelly replied indicating he was exiting at Bedale.
“Why did we not fly up here to Leeming Sir??”
Henderson looked up from his laptop screen and grimaced.
“Ahhh … it’s ehh classified son … ours is no tae reason why ‘n’at!”
The young squaddie made sure his weapon was loaded and ready as he disembarked.
“Go and assist Sergeant Kelly will you … there’s a guid lad!”
“Good afternoon Captain, I am Chief Medical Officer MacDonald, I believe you have two of the chaps I’m to fix … where do I sign?”
MacDonald was a fellow Scotsman from Oban, who had grown up and gone to school and university in Glasgow.
Kelly and the younger soldier wheeled the patients out and put them in the ambulance.
“This is a bad one … hope you can sort it!!”
The Captain printed out the transfer from his laptop and MacDonald signed for them.
MacDonald’s assistants took over.
They drove past Catterick and onto Tunstall.
Pressing a button on the dashboard, a gate opened then the vehicle drove on down into the tunnel to the underground plex.The lift seemed to take ages.
“That’s about 15 floors down now … only three to go.
‘Basement level 18 Sector 7’ … the display read as the Voice Synthesiser announced their destination.
“Ok son wheel ‘em out now!”
The young soldier obeyed.
“Ahh MacDonald can you attend tonight’s briefing and fill us in with the scientific stuff?”
“My wife and I are going to dine with friends in Richmond at 21:00hrs!”
“Ahh you’ll be finished here long before that old chap!”
Various military and civilian folk were at the briefing.
“Ok … can everyone hear me ok?” MacDonald smiled as the girl adjusted his microphone.
“That’s you now Sir!!” Corporal Janice Brown grinned back as she finished her adjustments.
MacDonald continued addressing the crowd.
“Ok … we are not exactly sure but somehow we don’t precisely know which one is Lt. Commander Gray … and which is the Iranian chappie.”
“Sounds like a total fuck up … you Limey’s always screw it up huh?” Jones grinned in his broad New York accent.
“Any questions??” MacDonald asked as he finished summing up 28 minutes later.
They had been picked up on the Iran / Iraq border by a patrol.
Both were wounded.
“How come you can’t tell which one is the Muzzie and which one is the Limey then??” Jones piped up.
An awkward silence.
“Gray was on Special Assignment and had been dressed up to looked Iranian … does that answer our inquisitive American’s question??”
“Jesus pal … you Brits always fuck it up huh!” he murmured in response.
Gray had been with Special Ops for eight years and knew the score.
He was also briefed on what would happen should he fall into enemy hands or if his operation ran into unexpected difficulties.
Sotouday, was also briefed by his boss in the Basjii Militia.
He had come from a small Iranian village, and been offered by his aunt to the local commander after the death of his mother and father.
His dad was a martyr from the mid-80’s war between Iran and Iraq.
His mother had been executed for daring the question the wisdom of the Supreme Leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran.
Mouthy women were not tolerated.
His aunt did not have the economic wherewithal to raise another boy.
The militia had become his ‘new family’ at the age of 14.
A young impressionable boy … he was keen and rose through the ranks to a position of trust.
He was given the ‘honour’ of “marrying” young girls in the prison.
Under the rules of the Iranian regime, virgin females could not be executed, hence a ‘marriage’ was arranged the evening before and the girls were raped by the guards … their new ‘husbands’.
Being thick-skinned and resilient, Hassan Sotouday was well able to fulfil the role of the rapist and not feel any moral quandaries about what he was doing.
The girls were normally drugged with sedatives beforehand but some still fought back during the act of “conjugation”.
Occasionally a girl had actually scratched his face as he forced his penis deep inside her.
But normally they were too scared or had been bullied by an Imam.
The screams from the ‘marriage room’ were ignored by the other members of staff.
Hassan got lots of city girls … and he sometimes had to forcefully strip them naked first … often assisted by another guard.
Other girls submissively resigned to their fate did not get Hassan as excited as the ones who resisted.
Grey had been sent to rescue Helena Abdullah, an Italian British journalist who was in Tehran to report on the 2009 election campaign.
She was kidnapped and detained by the Basjii Militia.
However during the struggle, Gray and Sotouday were mixed up.
Abdullah was one of Sotouday’s prisoners, even though she had lost her virginity at 18. He still got to rape her in her cell anyway.
“Lie down infidel bitch … c’mon you British girls are all prostitutes anyway … ‘lie back and think of England’ honey!!” he laughed as he thrust his cock inside her.
Helena head butted him as he ejaculated inside her.
“Bitch …!” He growled and stabbed her with his knife.
She caught his ear between her teeth and ripped a large chunk out as he tried to withdraw.
Sotouday yelped.
He shot her with his pistol in the face.
Gray had got to the scene too late. Helena was already dead.
Half his Unit were also wounded.
A messy operation which had obviously been ‘rumbled’ by the enemy.
“How do we ascertain which one is Gray??” MacDonald asked General Thompson.
“Well Captain MacDonald … we need a special team I guess!!”
So the process started.
“I suppose they used pretty nasty tactics to finish the protests huh?”
“Yea … their regime is pretty desperate I guess!”
“So Gray never got to the journalist in time?”
“Nope security was breached … badly!!”
“Ready for onward transportation to Yorkshire, just sign here pal!”
Simmons signed the Release Form and took charge of the two wounded ones.
He was glad to leave RAF Brize Norton.
The trip up the A1 was boring.
Kelly was a complete cynic.
“How come we always get to do this stuff Sir??”
“Shut-up and concentrate oan the drivin’ numpty!!”
Kelly went silent for the first time.
Captain Henderson was from South Lanarkshire from a small town near Glasgow.
“Right Kelly pull o’er here and wull huv a wee rest fur lunch!”
“Ok Captain …!” Kelly replied indicating he was exiting at Bedale.
“Why did we not fly up here to Leeming Sir??”
Henderson looked up from his laptop screen and grimaced.
“Ahhh … it’s ehh classified son … ours is no tae reason why ‘n’at!”
The young squaddie made sure his weapon was loaded and ready as he disembarked.
“Go and assist Sergeant Kelly will you … there’s a guid lad!”
“Good afternoon Captain, I am Chief Medical Officer MacDonald, I believe you have two of the chaps I’m to fix … where do I sign?”
MacDonald was a fellow Scotsman from Oban, who had grown up and gone to school and university in Glasgow.
Kelly and the younger soldier wheeled the patients out and put them in the ambulance.
“This is a bad one … hope you can sort it!!”
The Captain printed out the transfer from his laptop and MacDonald signed for them.
MacDonald’s assistants took over.
They drove past Catterick and onto Tunstall.
Pressing a button on the dashboard, a gate opened then the vehicle drove on down into the tunnel to the underground plex.The lift seemed to take ages.
“That’s about 15 floors down now … only three to go.
‘Basement level 18 Sector 7’ … the display read as the Voice Synthesiser announced their destination.
“Ok son wheel ‘em out now!”
The young soldier obeyed.
“Ahh MacDonald can you attend tonight’s briefing and fill us in with the scientific stuff?”
“My wife and I are going to dine with friends in Richmond at 21:00hrs!”
“Ahh you’ll be finished here long before that old chap!”
Various military and civilian folk were at the briefing.
“Ok … can everyone hear me ok?” MacDonald smiled as the girl adjusted his microphone.
“That’s you now Sir!!” Corporal Janice Brown grinned back as she finished her adjustments.
MacDonald continued addressing the crowd.
“Ok … we are not exactly sure but somehow we don’t precisely know which one is Lt. Commander Gray … and which is the Iranian chappie.”
“Sounds like a total fuck up … you Limey’s always screw it up huh?” Jones grinned in his broad New York accent.
“Any questions??” MacDonald asked as he finished summing up 28 minutes later.
They had been picked up on the Iran / Iraq border by a patrol.
Both were wounded.
“How come you can’t tell which one is the Muzzie and which one is the Limey then??” Jones piped up.
An awkward silence.
“Gray was on Special Assignment and had been dressed up to looked Iranian … does that answer our inquisitive American’s question??”
“Jesus pal … you Brits always fuck it up huh!” he murmured in response.
Gray had been with Special Ops for eight years and knew the score.
He was also briefed on what would happen should he fall into enemy hands or if his operation ran into unexpected difficulties.
Sotouday, was also briefed by his boss in the Basjii Militia.
He had come from a small Iranian village, and been offered by his aunt to the local commander after the death of his mother and father.
His dad was a martyr from the mid-80’s war between Iran and Iraq.
His mother had been executed for daring the question the wisdom of the Supreme Leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran.
Mouthy women were not tolerated.
His aunt did not have the economic wherewithal to raise another boy.
The militia had become his ‘new family’ at the age of 14.
A young impressionable boy … he was keen and rose through the ranks to a position of trust.
He was given the ‘honour’ of “marrying” young girls in the prison.
Under the rules of the Iranian regime, virgin females could not be executed, hence a ‘marriage’ was arranged the evening before and the girls were raped by the guards … their new ‘husbands’.
Being thick-skinned and resilient, Hassan Sotouday was well able to fulfil the role of the rapist and not feel any moral quandaries about what he was doing.
The girls were normally drugged with sedatives beforehand but some still fought back during the act of “conjugation”.
Occasionally a girl had actually scratched his face as he forced his penis deep inside her.
But normally they were too scared or had been bullied by an Imam.
The screams from the ‘marriage room’ were ignored by the other members of staff.
Hassan got lots of city girls … and he sometimes had to forcefully strip them naked first … often assisted by another guard.
Other girls submissively resigned to their fate did not get Hassan as excited as the ones who resisted.
Grey had been sent to rescue Helena Abdullah, an Italian British journalist who was in Tehran to report on the 2009 election campaign.
She was kidnapped and detained by the Basjii Militia.
However during the struggle, Gray and Sotouday were mixed up.
Abdullah was one of Sotouday’s prisoners, even though she had lost her virginity at 18. He still got to rape her in her cell anyway.
“Lie down infidel bitch … c’mon you British girls are all prostitutes anyway … ‘lie back and think of England’ honey!!” he laughed as he thrust his cock inside her.
Helena head butted him as he ejaculated inside her.
“Bitch …!” He growled and stabbed her with his knife.
She caught his ear between her teeth and ripped a large chunk out as he tried to withdraw.
Sotouday yelped.
He shot her with his pistol in the face.
Gray had got to the scene too late. Helena was already dead.
Half his Unit were also wounded.
A messy operation which had obviously been ‘rumbled’ by the enemy.
“How do we ascertain which one is Gray??” MacDonald asked General Thompson.
“Well Captain MacDonald … we need a special team I guess!!”
So the process started.
“I suppose they used pretty nasty tactics to finish the protests huh?”
“Yea … their regime is pretty desperate I guess!”
“So Gray never got to the journalist in time?”
“Nope security was breached … badly!!”
Hali-tonking ... otra vez compa ... asi te gusta???
Just you wait ‘enry ‘iggins
Our inquisitive American Friend was becoming increasingly hostile and abusive to his British hosts.
“You Limey fruits are a load of useless cunts!”
MacDonald smiled gently and explained to Jones that they had resuscitated the two are were still holding them in a segregated and guarded area.
Doctor Braithwaite slid past Jones expecting a mouthful.
“Would you care for some tea Mr. Jones?”
“You fuckin’ pussy wussy Limeys and your godamn tea … ma’am I’m American … we only drink coffee.!” He snarled.
Dee Braithwaite signalled to the serving lass and she fetched him a strong black coffee.
“Your Americano Mr. Jones Sir …!”
The serving lass courteously withdrew.
“Christ you Limey bastards can’t even make coffee.” He growled.
MacDonald and Braithwaite continued their measurements.
“Shall I fit their caps now?”
“No in a moment please Dee.” MacDonald replied. MacDonald booted up the calibration machine.
“Ok Dee fit them now.”
Dee fitted the skull-caps.
Gray and Sotouday were only semi-conscious.
“Lt. Commander Gray used to like Earl Grey Tea …!” Dee smiled adjusting the caps so they tuned to the correct telemetry.
Their eyes opened suddenly as MacDonald aligned the pulses correctly.
“Call Jones over I wish him to observe this one.”
Dee responded with a sarcastic grin then called Jones.
“Mr. Jones we require your assistance please Sir.”
“Run Quantification Sequence 17 Dee please!”
His female colleague adjusted her tartan mini-kilt then responded in her broad Leeds accent. “Si si senor … connecting now.”
The algorithmic sequence loaded and telemetry was adjusted.
The electrical activity of the British and Iranian brains responded.
“So what does this do Mac?”
“It measures and quantifies the electrical activity of the human brain … we can then run some new tests to ascertain if they lie in response to our questions. Consequently we may establish which is Lt. Commander Gray and which one is the Iranian chap.”
MacDonald then turned to Dee.
“Dee bring in the device now!”
“Yes Doctor.” She replied pressing the button.
“Observe Mr. Jones … we are now going to do something significant!”
A cylindrical device appeared which scanned around the bodies of Gray and Sotouday. Two lasers carefully buzzed around their heads and faces carefully avoiding eye contact so as not to do damage to the retinas of their eyes.
“What’s this do Mac??”
MacDonald did not respond but looked intensely at the monitor instead.
Onscreen a revolving 3-D image of the skulls started to build.
‘Esperame en cielo corazón’ began singing by the Trio Boriquien and Papo Valle.
“Excellent choice of music Mac … but is it necessary?” Jones smiled cynically.
“Yes Mr. Jones … Lt Commander Gray used to live in Latin America … did you not get briefed on that one.”
“Yea Mac … I had forgotten that one!”
“He was also particular fond of his Latino girlfriend who sang in a pop group too … playing Latino music should assist us to establish which one is our guy and which one the Iranian.”
The song ended and Amor a la Mexicana by Thalia Sodi came on.
“He was a big Thalia fan.” Dee grinned at Jones.
“Ohh and Kate Bush of course … naturally.” MacDonald interjected.
Dee made a few adjustments to the machinery.
“Ok re-calibration complete.”
“Brilliant Dee run Quantification Sequence 13 then.”
The lasers began to device a new route plan.
“Adjust the Patterning Frame now … Step Up 15 Units Dee.”
The room brightened slightly and the electric supply wowed. Maria Mercedes by Thalia now played. One of the bodies became more animated.
“Could that be Gray?” Jones asked expectantly.
Jones scratched his chin and drank a mouthful of coffee.
Candy finished her wee shag.
Sitting up on the bed she looked Carlos in the eyes.
“Ye nivir made me cum ya Mexicano geek!”
Pene Cruz sang her wee song on the DVD of Volver.
“Tengo miedo de la noche …!” Cruz sang on the video.
Candy had a British cousin called Mary who worked in Tesco’s in Catterick. She was a slim brunette in her mid-20’s but had recently dyed it red with a spiky punky look.
Candy and Mary shared an interest in rock festivales and política.
Mary had spent the summer of 2008 in the USA with her American cousin touring with a rock band. Candy’s phone rang then she looked at Carlos as she answered.
“Hi Mary … what’s the weather like over there in Britain then?”
“It’s shite … we don’t get your lovely Californian summers over here … I am on my way to work … I am on the bus from Richmond, remember those photos I emailed ya?”
“Yea … it’s 23:45hrs here … guess it’s real early in England now huh?”
Mary looked at her watch and it said 07:42hrs.
“Yea too fuckin’ early for me I was at the Town Hall Tavern in Richmond last night argueing with my boyfriend Jim as usual.”
“Yea hun I got yer thingy … the link to the YouTube stuff … very interesting sugar … you know those guitar guys personally?”
“Yea shagged the bass player 4 months ago.”
“Cool!” Candy grinned as Carlos got out of bed. Candy didn’t even say goodbye to him but kept talking.
“Look Candy I have to go now we are pulling into Catterick now!”
“Ok I am coming over to Europe soon I’ll come to the UK and meet ya!”
Carlos banged the street door to Candy’s house as he left.
Candy was Mrs. Jones’s step-sister.
“Hi carino … como estas babe?” Mrs Jones replied upon hearing Candy greet her.
“I am in San Diego … and you?”
“England!” Jones’s wife replied.
“Hell … I have just been talking to Mary over there!”
“Raining here today … what ya got there?”
Candy lit a fag then hung up. Her call finished as Mrs Jones had lost her signal had failed due to the fact she was out in the sticks.
Five minutes later Mrs Jones was in Richmond town square.
The Town Hall pub was behind the museum. She had arranged to meet her husband inside.
“Hi hun … how was yer flight?” Jones asked.
“Not bad I have been learning a new accent so its been a difficult job with these boys from the Drama department. How about you sugar?” she replied sipping her drink as her husband’s phone rang.
“Yea sure Mac … will do!” he hung up then kissed his wife’s cheek.
“Will see ya later!” she replied.
Jones went out to the square where he had parked his car.
Hali-tonking ... spiffing old bean ... what what??
Para para para ... mirala ... que linda hmmm
Oye oye
Mira mira
Great view wee man
... what's the tiempo hen??
Monday 26 April 2010
I say old man the young filly is crying
Shut up stupid girl what do you mean you have never been D.P.'ed before you stupid girl ... I say David old chap pass me the cloth old bean so that I can clean the shite off my cock before I stick it in her mouth ... come on you silly girl lie down and enjoy yourself like us you stupid 'oiky' little slapper.
I say where's Boris off to now David??
Lie down stupid girl and stop this emotional outburst ... I will lose my stiffie with all your tears you 'oiky'little slapper ...!!
I say where's Boris off to now David??
Lie down stupid girl and stop this emotional outburst ... I will lose my stiffie with all your tears you 'oiky'little slapper ...!!
I say girlie can we shag you??
Right then David you stick your tadger in girlie's mouth and bang her in the shit-box ... Boris Johnson is already banging it up her cunt old chap ... jolly good show ... what ... stop whinge-ing you 'oiky' little slapper ... lie back and think of England old girl ...!
I say shall we go trash a bar now or later old chap ... this filly is dull old chap
I say shall we go trash a bar now or later old chap ... this filly is dull old chap
Give her a good 'Rodgering' old chap
Damn-fine filly David ... she I did give the girlie a damn good 'Rodgering' old chap ... well she wasn't up for being D.P.'ed (spit-roasted / shagged in both holes ) like that other bit of skirt last night old bean ... ok David old bean shall we go trash a pub for a change old chap ... excellent ... lead on McDuff as the Jock cunt said in Wullie Shakespears' play huh ... splendid olm man ... let's go then old bean ... damn fine cricket what what old boy??
I say there's another girlie / young slapper do you want to bang her first old man or shall I give her a good 'Rodgering' first old bean??
I say there's another girlie / young slapper do you want to bang her first old man or shall I give her a good 'Rodgering' first old bean??
Ohh yes I agree with Prick ...oooops ...!!
So that was a Party Election message for the Yorkshire Conservatives
also known as the Pub-trashing (Lunch-Club) student Fraternity ...!!
(pub-restaurant trashers and wrecking crew
... wizzard wheeze old bean
... top hole let's go smash up another restaurant
... student high-pranks Officer
... I say here is my Platinum Amex plastique old chap ... will that cover the cost of the repairs to the premises then old chap?
... Excellent
... good man
... ok Boris where to next old bean ... I say old man shall we give this girlie / damn fine filly a good 'Rodgering' again old man or shall we just go and trash another restaurant first old chap ... what what ... I say old bean this is a fine evenings sport Boris old chap ... next)
also known as the Pub-trashing (Lunch-Club) student Fraternity ...!!
(pub-restaurant trashers and wrecking crew
... wizzard wheeze old bean
... top hole let's go smash up another restaurant
... student high-pranks Officer
... I say here is my Platinum Amex plastique old chap ... will that cover the cost of the repairs to the premises then old chap?
... Excellent
... good man
... ok Boris where to next old bean ... I say old man shall we give this girlie / damn fine filly a good 'Rodgering' again old man or shall we just go and trash another restaurant first old chap ... what what ... I say old bean this is a fine evenings sport Boris old chap ... next)
Partido converador first up huh ... wan-kaaaahhs
-1.jpg)
HOH hoh hoh ...!!
Wot a bleedin' laff ehhh??
Pajeros ... que broma huh
... mierde loca hijo de puta ...!!
ho ho hoh ...!!!
Dolly burds britanicas pompa compa
Oye guapa ...
Katy pasa?
Nunca es Domingo aqui??
Nope nivir ever numpty pumpty
... nae luck budski van der Hudd-ski ...!
Josefina??
si?
... hay otro codigo secreto ...!!
... que pena ...!!
... ordenes son ordenes numping pump nompa compa pompa ...!!
Victor net-why-ay
Victor limpiador ... a sus ordenes
Elton John songs
... not la princesa Diana wan
... la otra
... "ohh Nikita you will nivir know ... just how much I love you so ...!!
Esperamos ordenes compa pompa
Puedo hablar?
Marie?
No te gusta mis preguntas?
... pienso la peor
... quien es??
... servicio de habitacionnes
... voy ...!!
... me llamo Roberto
... bueno ...!
... el contacto ... quien es??
... la mujer
... la mujer pompa
... buen disparo compa pompa
... adios
For foooook sake
Nigel and Florencita are still playing at Doctor Jeckyl in Leeds's Hyde Park ... 'hide the salchicha'
... que pena verdad
... senorita??
... tarta de chocolate por fahh
... a sus ordenes senorita.
... para eliminarte tus mierdas Bob ...!!
Don't-cha??
Wish yer girlfriend was un feminista like me??
Don't ya ...
Don't-cha??
muy bueno ...!
Josefina ...? si?
yo me voy para un bano
... tu te descanses ... dances ... chances ... dancer
... los primeros elementos son abajo numpty pompa compa
Dos-Yorkies-y-una-perra
Oye guapa es demasiado grande
... no me importa pompa compa
Vayas ...!
... que?
Que te vayas ...!
... porque?
Katy pasa?
a es tio Bob
Josefina??
Marie?
soy Bob
... muy bien
gracias ...!
tengo un novio
... estupendo
... Bob ...?
si ...!
pase esta en la cuarto de bano
... me alegre a conocerlo
esta deliciosa
... uno mas y ...
dos billets para los novios
Bien viaje
'sta luego compa pompa
Cheerio numpty
... Rusa?
... Yanqui?
... a la mujer escocesa
... muy bien
siempre juntos
... imitar a las ranas
craw ..!
... crrr-aw!!!
que consiste mi trabajo
para los novios
... gracias ...!
... no necesitas diga nada numpty
muy interesante senorita
ciao bella
Moscow is a wee village 25 miles South of Glasgow en escocia numpty Yanqui pajero
Gerrr-tt yer ass to Moscow ... !!!
krep-tooohh
That's a strange expression Bruce ...
why just the other day I heard the Prime Minister use it
... krepp-too
... aw
Ohh by the way ...
Bruce is also in charge of the sheep-dip
adios pompa-compa
Ahh-ll be beck ...
aw es la hospital ... tengo guardia
aqui tiene senora Clegg ...
"Ohh I agree with Miriam ..."
Thank fooookk for that pompa compa
Tereno patinoso senor numping pump pompa compa
Tengo mucho tiempo ...
estupendo
Raviolis
ohh mas raviolis
Es usted pintura??
Nunca es Domingo aqui
Rael likes a good time ...
pompa compa likes a rr-aahh-tt good Shag
get-it-got-it-Good
hasta la vista senor Schwartznegger
California uber alles
Tereno patinoso senor
'sta luego
Sunday 25 April 2010
Guapita krap-eeta crap-ita shit-eater
Rael likes a good time ... I like a rr-aaahhhh-tt guid SHAG
pITA pEEEEEHH-TER
OYE GUAPITA ...Katy-pasa bella loca loba?
Hopefully these student geezers will wake up soon huh??
Ahh las Malvinas ... asi??
"Que loca de mierda ...!"
1982 was more significant than 1952.
Yea Nigel old chap ... Google that matey ...!!
See if they actually had Social Skills ... rather than staying in all night on Facebook with their 'imaginary Friends'
rather than the possibility of getting ones hands and face dirty and meeting real Friends in real life instead of one rathwer tedious computer simulated one of their own wank-fantasies hhhmmmm??
Well we can but hope hmmm?
Flash forward 30 years ...
oooopps
zonk
wallop
Buenas
... que??
"Ahh tia Rosana ... en que cuarto!"
Well the students will enjoy the dolly burd picture huh??
Dos-perras-y-un-Yorkie ... parte tres
Malcolm focussed on the waitress. She was a slim hippie-ish lass of about twenty one. She looked at him sharply then uttered.
“Are you ready to order yet Sir?”
Malcolm was light years away so it took a while for her words to register.
Suddenly he crashed back into the 21st Century and responded asking her to bring him a pint of Stella Artois whilst he waited for his companion. She looked perturbed and then replied ‘any food’.
He shook his head responding with “No I am expecting company but she haven’t arrived yet can I just have the beer for now please!”
He sipped on the cold Belgian beer which the waitress returned with. Aileen was dressed in her jodhpurs and riding boots as she approached him it was a pleasantly warm day in early May. She smiled at him with her usual ‘hi babe’ greeting then kissed him. She smelled of juniper and cloves then regaled him with tales of her colleague Mary who also worked at the Montgomery Riding School in Rhu adjacent to Helensburgh. Aileen and Mary were a riding instructresses there.
He got an unexpected memory of their lovemaking session five hours before. They were on the kitchen floor her auburn hair brushed against the cupboard doors as they ground their pelvises into each other frantically. Upstairs a leak in the water tank caused a drip to cascade irritatingly down into a bucket beside them on the varnished floor.
They finished then she unwrapped her legs from his waist as she grinned.
“Wish Sandy would get the handyman to fix that bloody drip … Mary and I empty this bucket four times a day. He says he can’t afford to call Wullie out to do the repairs … lyin’ bastard … the amount he charges for lessons here … you know he has just bought a timeshare in Tenerife … so him and his wife aren’t skint!” Malcolm unrolled the condom and lobbed it into the nearby bin forgetting momentarily how much that upset Aileen. He pre-empted her.
“Aye ok hen ah’ll take it ‘n’ chuck it in this poly bag in a wee minute”
Aileen stood up and pulled on her knickers as the internal phone rang.
“Aye Mary … Esther MacKay … that eejit bint from Ayr who says she went to school with Kirsty Wark the newsreader, what time did she say she is she arriving at?” She looked at the digital clock above the sink which said that it was 15:43hrs.
Mary came across the courtyard and entered the main building.
“Hello Malky, Aileen said you were picking her up but I never realised you were here yet is that your car outside by the stable?”
He nodded as Mary passed her colleague a clipboard with forms to sign.
Aileen scribbled on it then passed it back, as she motioned to him to pick up her car keys from the kitchen table. “Come on Patterson’s Garage shuts at five so we only have less than an hour to get to Dumbarton which will be a struggle with all the day-trippers traffic on the A814.”
Aileen’s Volkswagen Polo was in for repairs and she was loathed to spend one more journey on the ‘Ned’s Express’ as she referred to the railway from Helensburgh to Glasgow. The trains were particularly busy because of the influx of folk visiting the seafront and she had spent three days travelling by train from flat in Cardross to Helensburgh whilst the garage waited on a component to be delivered from Germany.
“Get real Aileen that mechanic is rippin’ the pish they don’t have to bring in parts from Munich … he just doesn’t want to give you yer car back in a hurry … do you really believe his story?”
The microwave oven bleeped and Aileen withdrew the two coffee cups from it. She had re-heated them rather than waiting for the percolator.
“Aye well glug this down and we’ll go!”
They left as Mary spoke on the phone with Mrs MacKay’s husband.
Aileen patted her arm as she and Malcolm exited.
Outside a helicopter buzzed past on its way to the naval base.
“The new Defence Secretary is visiting the submarine base today … it was on the car radio earlier.” He grinned as he turned his ignition key.
“Aw fuck hope that CND lot aren’t blockading the traffic at Faslane or else we will never get to collect my car.”
“Don’t think he’ll be in his job for long … John Major has to call a General Election next year.”
They were flagged down by a policeman.
“Can you turn up the hill Sir … some protestors have blocked the road further down and we are diverting people up to the Loch Lomond road.”
Aileen snarled as Malcolm changed gear to comply with the copper’s request to divert.
“Nahh the A82 is faster … we will still make it.” He grinned.
He accelerated up over the brow then down towards the loch.
They arrived at Patterson’s just as the boiler-suited owner was about to close the doors.
Her Polo lay on the forecourt ready for collection.
“All that panic fur nuthin’ ehh Aileen!” She paid Patterson then jumped into her car. Malcolm followed her back up the A82.
It was 2010 again. Aileen, now a woman in her late 30’s entered the bar restaurant and waived at him.
“Hiya darlin’ how was yer shopping trip?” he enquired then kissed her cheek as she sat down next to him.
“Bloody freezing I hope it doesn’t snow again.” She replied.
Oye guapa ... es muy triste ... asi??
Dos_perras_y_un_Yorkie;
las islas Malvinas de 1982
(rather than 1952 ...!)
"... Chipi chipi ... amor te voy a comprar un trencito ...!!"
Nice wee song Ernesto huh??
Que guapa esta loba ...!!
"There's a she-wolf ...!"
A rare wee chanter yon Colombiana chica huh.
"Concha tu madre ...!"
(mechanic break wine bottle over bar and leads chasing pack of angry Chilean chappies all shouting ...)
"Get the fuck oot of our disco you Argentinean bastards and don't 'comeback' ...!!"
Jesus ... it's not easy having a good time these days old chap.
Do you think the Chilean slapper was actually wanting the Boaby banged intae her??
or
Was it more a case of:
"That man standing in your way ... he's mahh man and he don't play ...!"
muy misteriosa senora ...
Capitano Scarlett
"This is the voice of the Mysterons ...!!
"Ay si la tele britanico de los anos 70's asi? ...!
Bueno
Aye aye captain
I say he is finally getting it Roger old chap
... asi esa mi gusta senora ...!!
Rael like a good time I like a good rhyme
"... and the Lamb lies down on Broadway ...!!"
"A seasoned witch could take you ...!"
Aw naw no the 1970's again pal ... that sounds pure Keech van der Reech tae me.
hasta la vista
"... Te voy a comprar ... un avioncito para volar ...!"
Christmas Island ... booooom (sizzle)
or was it
Easter Island ... boooom (sizzle)
BACK TO BLACK
... or back to the 'Shandon Project'
las islas Malvinas de 1982
(rather than 1952 ...!)
"... Chipi chipi ... amor te voy a comprar un trencito ...!!"
Nice wee song Ernesto huh??
Que guapa esta loba ...!!
"There's a she-wolf ...!"
A rare wee chanter yon Colombiana chica huh.
"Concha tu madre ...!"
(mechanic break wine bottle over bar and leads chasing pack of angry Chilean chappies all shouting ...)
"Get the fuck oot of our disco you Argentinean bastards and don't 'comeback' ...!!"
Jesus ... it's not easy having a good time these days old chap.
Do you think the Chilean slapper was actually wanting the Boaby banged intae her??
or
Was it more a case of:
"That man standing in your way ... he's mahh man and he don't play ...!"
muy misteriosa senora ...
Capitano Scarlett
"This is the voice of the Mysterons ...!!
"Ay si la tele britanico de los anos 70's asi? ...!
Bueno
Aye aye captain
I say he is finally getting it Roger old chap
... asi esa mi gusta senora ...!!
Rael like a good time I like a good rhyme
"... and the Lamb lies down on Broadway ...!!"
"A seasoned witch could take you ...!"
Aw naw no the 1970's again pal ... that sounds pure Keech van der Reech tae me.
hasta la vista
"... Te voy a comprar ... un avioncito para volar ...!"
Christmas Island ... booooom (sizzle)
or was it
Easter Island ... boooom (sizzle)
BACK TO BLACK
... or back to the 'Shandon Project'
Dos_perras_y_un_Yorkie ... part 2 ... ay las lobitas ... que bueno
It was late at night and one was rather a wee bit too shagged oot with all this frightfully modern hip-dude patter (banter to you senor Cameron old bean ... pip pip old chap)
"Yes I agree with Prick ... ooops I mean Nick ...je je je ...!
(rolling on floor with uncontrolable fits of laughter at the prospect of yon restaurant-trashing chappie in a position of responsibility such as our future Prime Minister)
Ahh well here is a wee song for 'youse young yins' ... 'n'at
Vengo vengo vengo de caña
vengo vengo vengo del son
tengo tengo tengo en el alma
ritmo ritmo ritmo y sabor
Vengo de raza y de palmera
De campo y de labriego
De caña y de madera
Mi orgullo es ser latina
De mar y cordillera
Ardiente como el fuego
Soy sangre de mi tierra
“The truth is written all along that way …!”
(jangly musica ahora senorita por fahhh)
“… How old will I be … before ahhh
… come of age for you …??
oye maestro ... musica por favor ...!!
auf wiedersehen numpty ...!!
Hiroshima ... boooom (sizzle)
Nagasaki ... booooooooom (sizzle)
ooooops
ohh golly gosh Herr Oppenheimer
... that's progress I suppose huh
What ever will these boffins (scientist chappies) think of next huh ...??
(another dramatic drum roll as the trumpets kick in again)
There that should wake these dullards in Hyde Park up a wee bit huh??
Nahhh
I am too nieve and optimista huh??
Saturday 24 April 2010
Really irritatin' fooooooo-hh-kk-pigs
Nahh ... I hear you suddenly retaliate ...
Aye chance wid be a fine thingey ... huh ...??
(pass yon puke bucket)
... otra vez senora Miriam Clegg
... la abogada britanica
... que lastima verdad ...??
What I find really annoying is not the APATHY
... of these
... 'cool' wan-kaaaaa-hass
Nope ...!!!
They are perfectly entitled to
... 'not give a shit'
... or hold an opinion
... or not Register to Vote ...
That's freedom of expression for ya ...
Freedom of Speeech etc etc etc ...!!
'Ohhh I agree with Nick ...!!"
Piss off numpty ...!!
There is unfortunately no polite ... nor inoffensive 'politically correct' (i.e. down-right Politically Niave) way to say it ...!
Yea ok spelling was not my strong point huh ...!!
What annoys me is they actually believe it is 'cool'
... to be stupid
... dis-enfranchised and un-involved.
Contextual detail ...
Oan Brit TV just now there is an advertisement ...
some may say it is also ... 'cool'
Onywayes ... a small furry animal wae a Russian accent ...
SEEEE-MPLE ... QU-KEEEHH-KK ...!
Get the point ...?
..."Yes my great grand-father did not fight and die in Three World Wars ...
... so you could get a cheap shag babe ...!!"
If you go to 'Tropical World' in Roundhay Park
... Leeds ... West Yorkshire ...
Check them oot ...!!
The Meer-cats ...!
Seeeee-mm-ple qu-keeeeh-kkk
Onywayes ...
Nigel ...
as in ...
..."We're only making plans for Nigel ...!"
as the old 1980's song used to go ...!!
and Cynthia ... his shaggin' partner ...
... who's probably been well and truelly 'Roger-ed' by now huh ...!!
Aye bang the Boaby intae her again pal ...!
I actually thought it was some kinda ... realisation ... awakening ... spiritual re-birth ... so to speak ...
... but as I said earlier ...
Ms. Student Hot-Pants
... was only fantasizing aboot Nigel's cock
... banging intae her again
... and again
... and again
... and again.
Yup ... light-weights ... retards ... hof-wits ... fuck-wits ... remedial class lawyers
... wan-kaaaahh-ss ...
Shame really ...!!
But that is student bed-sit land for you now-adays huh ...!!
Jesus Christ ...
Cynthia ...
yer grand-mother burnt her bra for you hen
... why did she bother ...??
Ask Germaine Greer ...
'The Female Eunuch'
yon Ozzie Lemon Curd ...
or
Marge Piercy
... another 'radical' 1960's dude ...!!
Now ...
... like Clive James
... and other 1960's
... hip-dudes of their day
... boring and sad huh ...
well thank you ...!!
Nahh ... !!
That sounds a wee bit too frightfully Modern for us huh??
Hebden Bridge ... West Yorkshire
... boring 40 yrs ago
... does not improve with age ...
... all good wine eventually turns to vinegar
... huh
... crap 40 years ago
... still crap now
... today
... in 2010
... huh ...!!!!
40 bad trips ...
... every one an O'Bummer ...
... but still trying
... Woodstock
... Stonehenge
... Greenham Common
... Haight Ash-boring
... crap-ooohh-shh-kah-yaahh
... simple
... hmmm?
You get the point???
Nahh ...
they nivir do ... regretably
Like Mick Jagger
... Elton John
... Cher
... and all the other boring pensioner has-beens
... a la Band-Aid-Live-Aid-Bob-Geldoff
... bore the tits aff me again circuit ...
... hasbeens
... bores
... recycled teenagers
... aging Rock-n-Rollers ...!
The 1960's was dull
... it only produced self-indulgent druggy wankers who nivir grew up
... moved on
... realised that they were not really ... 'cool'
... got old gracefully
... Neil Young
... Joni Mitchell
... self-indulgent arse-holes that never grew-up
Shame really
Here endeth the rant ...
adios
...!!
Aye chance wid be a fine thingey ... huh ...??
(pass yon puke bucket)
... otra vez senora Miriam Clegg
... la abogada britanica
... que lastima verdad ...??
What I find really annoying is not the APATHY
... of these
... 'cool' wan-kaaaaa-hass
Nope ...!!!
They are perfectly entitled to
... 'not give a shit'
... or hold an opinion
... or not Register to Vote ...
That's freedom of expression for ya ...
Freedom of Speeech etc etc etc ...!!
'Ohhh I agree with Nick ...!!"
Piss off numpty ...!!
There is unfortunately no polite ... nor inoffensive 'politically correct' (i.e. down-right Politically Niave) way to say it ...!
Yea ok spelling was not my strong point huh ...!!
What annoys me is they actually believe it is 'cool'
... to be stupid
... dis-enfranchised and un-involved.
Contextual detail ...
Oan Brit TV just now there is an advertisement ...
some may say it is also ... 'cool'
Onywayes ... a small furry animal wae a Russian accent ...
SEEEE-MPLE ... QU-KEEEHH-KK ...!
Get the point ...?
..."Yes my great grand-father did not fight and die in Three World Wars ...
... so you could get a cheap shag babe ...!!"
If you go to 'Tropical World' in Roundhay Park
... Leeds ... West Yorkshire ...
Check them oot ...!!
The Meer-cats ...!
Seeeee-mm-ple qu-keeeeh-kkk
Onywayes ...
Nigel ...
as in ...
..."We're only making plans for Nigel ...!"
as the old 1980's song used to go ...!!
and Cynthia ... his shaggin' partner ...
... who's probably been well and truelly 'Roger-ed' by now huh ...!!
Aye bang the Boaby intae her again pal ...!
I actually thought it was some kinda ... realisation ... awakening ... spiritual re-birth ... so to speak ...
... but as I said earlier ...
Ms. Student Hot-Pants
... was only fantasizing aboot Nigel's cock
... banging intae her again
... and again
... and again
... and again.
Yup ... light-weights ... retards ... hof-wits ... fuck-wits ... remedial class lawyers
... wan-kaaaahh-ss ...
Shame really ...!!
But that is student bed-sit land for you now-adays huh ...!!
Jesus Christ ...
Cynthia ...
yer grand-mother burnt her bra for you hen
... why did she bother ...??
Ask Germaine Greer ...
'The Female Eunuch'
yon Ozzie Lemon Curd ...
or
Marge Piercy
... another 'radical' 1960's dude ...!!
Now ...
... like Clive James
... and other 1960's
... hip-dudes of their day
... boring and sad huh ...
well thank you ...!!
Nahh ... !!
That sounds a wee bit too frightfully Modern for us huh??
Hebden Bridge ... West Yorkshire
... boring 40 yrs ago
... does not improve with age ...
... all good wine eventually turns to vinegar
... huh
... crap 40 years ago
... still crap now
... today
... in 2010
... huh ...!!!!
40 bad trips ...
... every one an O'Bummer ...
... but still trying
... Woodstock
... Stonehenge
... Greenham Common
... Haight Ash-boring
... crap-ooohh-shh-kah-yaahh
... simple
... hmmm?
You get the point???
Nahh ...
they nivir do ... regretably
Like Mick Jagger
... Elton John
... Cher
... and all the other boring pensioner has-beens
... a la Band-Aid-Live-Aid-Bob-Geldoff
... bore the tits aff me again circuit ...
... hasbeens
... bores
... recycled teenagers
... aging Rock-n-Rollers ...!
The 1960's was dull
... it only produced self-indulgent druggy wankers who nivir grew up
... moved on
... realised that they were not really ... 'cool'
... got old gracefully
... Neil Young
... Joni Mitchell
... self-indulgent arse-holes that never grew-up
Shame really
Here endeth the rant ...
adios
...!!
Serio ...? si si Sergio compa ...! Oye Tulio ... mira pompa ...!!
Onywayes I was ooooooohh-pp in Headingley earlier this evening ...!
Seriously dull these estudiante pajeros ... oy oy oy ...!
Hell slap it into them
... none of them are Registered Voters anyway ... so who gives a shechter about their fate ...??
Apathy huh ...?
Yea but it's 'cool' to be a thoroughly Modern wan-kaaaaa-hh
... and not have an opinion.
Aw well ...
"Chipi chipi
... chipi chipi
... aprende
... amor te voy a comprar un avioncito para volar ...!"
Yea that fat Chilean lassie was a rare chanter
Guid wee song hen ...!!
Aye gaun ... get tae fuck ya stupid Argentinean bastards ... don't-ahh
... 'comeback' ...!!
Hmmmmm???
Nope
... yon student dunder-heids in Hyde Park still nivir caught mahh drift ...!!
Seriously dull these estudiante pajeros ... oy oy oy ...!
Hell slap it into them
... none of them are Registered Voters anyway ... so who gives a shechter about their fate ...??
Apathy huh ...?
Yea but it's 'cool' to be a thoroughly Modern wan-kaaaaa-hh
... and not have an opinion.
Aw well ...
"Chipi chipi
... chipi chipi
... aprende
... amor te voy a comprar un avioncito para volar ...!"
Yea that fat Chilean lassie was a rare chanter
Guid wee song hen ...!!
Aye gaun ... get tae fuck ya stupid Argentinean bastards ... don't-ahh
... 'comeback' ...!!
Hmmmmm???
Nope
... yon student dunder-heids in Hyde Park still nivir caught mahh drift ...!!
Wan-kaaaaaaaaahhhhh parte dos
Yesssssss as el senor Jeremy Paxman a la Bay Bay Cay de laundry's would say on guid auld Auntie Beeb.
Cotillion ...
Dahhh-dahh-dahhh dahh dahh dahhh adahh dahh dahh dahhh
... This is London
... ay si por favor senorita
La servicio mundial de la BBC de Londres huh ...??
Naw ...
Again I re-gain my skeptical self ...!
Thank ... fooooook ffor that huh.
'Ohh I agree with Nick'
Nahhh ...
Vayas a la mierde pajero ...!!
Get-it ... got-it ... guid ...!
'sta luego Miriam ...!!
Cotillion ...
Dahhh-dahh-dahhh dahh dahh dahhh adahh dahh dahh dahhh
... This is London
... ay si por favor senorita
La servicio mundial de la BBC de Londres huh ...??
Naw ...
Again I re-gain my skeptical self ...!
Thank ... fooooook ffor that huh.
'Ohh I agree with Nick'
Nahhh ...
Vayas a la mierde pajero ...!!
Get-it ... got-it ... guid ...!
'sta luego Miriam ...!!
Wan-kaaaaahhh
The problem wae yon Soft Soothern Nancies
... well the wans that spahh-tzeeerin-gay-inn Ooooop North (well of Watford Gap)
Is that they seem to lose their sense of proportion.
Guid thing too I hear ye instantly volley back como el senor JUAN McInRow (Tenista Yanqui de los anos setentas (1970's)
Embarressing...??
No sireeehh not embarressing senor numping van der pumping ...!
But then again most hof-wits at university now study PISH
... i.e. Law or worse still Social Science at university.
Nae wonder there are so many fuckin' air-heids masquerading as intellectuals at this her funky punky dance roon mahh handbag disco ...!
Ohh I agree with Nick ...!!
No senor ...
vayas a la mierde estupido tonto pajero ....!
Wan-kaaaa-hhh ...!!
Ohh dear can you tell that I was a dodgy Cockney before I lost my heart to a Starship Trooper (Yorkshirewoman) ...??
Dan Saff ... up Lundun mate
... wot a bleedin' laff huh ...??
Fooooooook-sake it's Lily Godamn Allen ...!!
Aw naw ... !!
... well the wans that spahh-tzeeerin-gay-inn Ooooop North (well of Watford Gap)
Is that they seem to lose their sense of proportion.
Guid thing too I hear ye instantly volley back como el senor JUAN McInRow (Tenista Yanqui de los anos setentas (1970's)
Embarressing...??
No sireeehh not embarressing senor numping van der pumping ...!
But then again most hof-wits at university now study PISH
... i.e. Law or worse still Social Science at university.
Nae wonder there are so many fuckin' air-heids masquerading as intellectuals at this her funky punky dance roon mahh handbag disco ...!
Ohh I agree with Nick ...!!
No senor ...
vayas a la mierde estupido tonto pajero ....!
Wan-kaaaa-hhh ...!!
Ohh dear can you tell that I was a dodgy Cockney before I lost my heart to a Starship Trooper (Yorkshirewoman) ...??
Dan Saff ... up Lundun mate
... wot a bleedin' laff huh ...??
Fooooooook-sake it's Lily Godamn Allen ...!!
Aw naw ... !!
Ay si por favor senora
'Ohh I agree with Nick ...!"
Jesus man get yer cock oot o' that other corrupt bastard's mooth for a wee nanosecond pal
... ye might learn sooo-matt ...!
Nahh ...
Pretty unlikely they studied Law at university because they did not have the balls or the intellect to actually study something intelligent
... nae luck dough-heid ...!!
Jesus man get yer cock oot o' that other corrupt bastard's mooth for a wee nanosecond pal
... ye might learn sooo-matt ...!
Nahh ...
Pretty unlikely they studied Law at university because they did not have the balls or the intellect to actually study something intelligent
... nae luck dough-heid ...!!
Amor ... te voy a comprar un avioncito para volar ...!!
Aw ...
As I said jokes quickly lose their appeal when dunderheid lawyer thickos and other intellectual hof-wit-fuck-wits get oan their high horses.
Sensitive souls (lost sheep)
Nae luck numping pumping dough-heid
... ye shouldahh listened tae yer Mathematics teacher's advice
... nae luckm lunkheid ...!!!
As I said jokes quickly lose their appeal when dunderheid lawyer thickos and other intellectual hof-wit-fuck-wits get oan their high horses.
Sensitive souls (lost sheep)
Nae luck numping pumping dough-heid
... ye shouldahh listened tae yer Mathematics teacher's advice
... nae luckm lunkheid ...!!!
Christ ... !!!
For fooooohh-kksss sake
“Ay Ernestito … por favor compa … cam’oan get the Boab intae yon Chilean slapper whilst her hubbie isnae lookin’!”
Nope …??
Aw well … I guess fowk were different back then in 1952 huh??
Naw no really pal actually Cynthia darling.
Onywayes … Rosita
… a.k.a. Ms. Student Hot-pants
… and her fantasy about Nigel givin’ her a damn good Rogering once they goat hame fae Hyde Park later oan.
Fooooohh-kksake Nigel take yon wee lassie hame and bang the arse aff her huh??
You see being sensitive souls (lost sheep)
… well they are a wee bit handicapped so to speak.
Somebody give these stupid bastards from the remedial class
… a.k.a. Leeds University a foooohh-king Scoob.
Nahh … that’s impossible
… I hear the cynics retort …!!
Cam’oan Cynthia sweetie …
… get ‘with the programme’ honey …
… as in pronto
… as in now now hun …!!
Nope …
Abre la puerta estupido …
… still doesnae get it …!!
Thickos huh …!!
Aw well we shall huvtae build them a new ‘Ivory Tower’ I suppose hmmmm …???
“Ay Ernestito … por favor compa … cam’oan get the Boab intae yon Chilean slapper whilst her hubbie isnae lookin’!”
Nope …??
Aw well … I guess fowk were different back then in 1952 huh??
Naw no really pal actually Cynthia darling.
Onywayes … Rosita
… a.k.a. Ms. Student Hot-pants
… and her fantasy about Nigel givin’ her a damn good Rogering once they goat hame fae Hyde Park later oan.
Fooooohh-kksake Nigel take yon wee lassie hame and bang the arse aff her huh??
You see being sensitive souls (lost sheep)
… well they are a wee bit handicapped so to speak.
Somebody give these stupid bastards from the remedial class
… a.k.a. Leeds University a foooohh-king Scoob.
Nahh … that’s impossible
… I hear the cynics retort …!!
Cam’oan Cynthia sweetie …
… get ‘with the programme’ honey …
… as in pronto
… as in now now hun …!!
Nope …
Abre la puerta estupido …
… still doesnae get it …!!
Thickos huh …!!
Aw well we shall huvtae build them a new ‘Ivory Tower’ I suppose hmmmm …???
se llama 'comeback' ... cam'oan dunderheid ...!!
Se llama ‘comeback’ … aw naw no again …??
Aw … lunkheid is another lawyer huh??
Aw well I guess that clarifies the situation slightly.
Onywayes …
Back to the parque de Doctor Jekyll.
Long before ‘uncle poe-face’ and wan-kaaahhh the lawyer cunt hit the dance flair …
Ye know??
Well naw no really pal …!!
They still huvnae goat a Scoob.
Aw …!!
Shame huh??
“Well this is ‘comeback’ season …!”
… Ahh suppose … supongo …!!
Vamos a bailar Ernestito huh …??
Jesus H. Christ … OR other such imaginary persons.
In this next sketch … we will pretend we actually knew
… cunt-A ‘n’ cunt-ay’s wife before he did.
Ahh well … “nivir inhaled”
… as dough-heid once said …!!!
This (at last) brings me swiftly onto the latest lunk-heid …
One senor polla-fungí himself … hmmm??
That’s right dough-heid
… Mr. Hussain O’Bummer
… el Presidente
… foooooooohhh-kks-sake
Jesus pal …!!
These student numpties still don’t get it do they??
Aw …
… querida vieja … as yer man used tae say huh??
… “Well this is ‘comeback’ season …!”
hmmmm …!!
“Amor … te voy a comprar … un avioncito para volar …!!”
Aw naw …
Christ … dough-ball still doesnae get it …!!
Serves ye right for studying Law ya lazy shitebag … hof-wit-fuck-wit …!!
Aw … lunkheid is another lawyer huh??
Aw well I guess that clarifies the situation slightly.
Onywayes …
Back to the parque de Doctor Jekyll.
Long before ‘uncle poe-face’ and wan-kaaahhh the lawyer cunt hit the dance flair …
Ye know??
Well naw no really pal …!!
They still huvnae goat a Scoob.
Aw …!!
Shame huh??
“Well this is ‘comeback’ season …!”
… Ahh suppose … supongo …!!
Vamos a bailar Ernestito huh …??
Jesus H. Christ … OR other such imaginary persons.
In this next sketch … we will pretend we actually knew
… cunt-A ‘n’ cunt-ay’s wife before he did.
Ahh well … “nivir inhaled”
… as dough-heid once said …!!!
This (at last) brings me swiftly onto the latest lunk-heid …
One senor polla-fungí himself … hmmm??
That’s right dough-heid
… Mr. Hussain O’Bummer
… el Presidente
… foooooooohhh-kks-sake
Jesus pal …!!
These student numpties still don’t get it do they??
Aw …
… querida vieja … as yer man used tae say huh??
… “Well this is ‘comeback’ season …!”
hmmmm …!!
“Amor … te voy a comprar … un avioncito para volar …!!”
Aw naw …
Christ … dough-ball still doesnae get it …!!
Serves ye right for studying Law ya lazy shitebag … hof-wit-fuck-wit …!!
Aye right ... at last ... mibbe??
OK ... so this is apparently the 'Space-Age'
Naw they still huvnae caught mahh drift
... for foooohh-kkss sake
Naw they still huvnae caught mahh drift
... for foooohh-kkss sake
Aw naw there are two o' them
The Malvinas linkman
DOS_perras_y_un_Yorkie_senorita;
Oy oy oy … abre la puerta estupido!!!
Wee ‘hottie’ was still fantasizing about oor Nigel gi’en her wan later.
So again they missed it …
… for foooooohh-kksss sake …!
… this cream ain’t just sour … it’s rancid!!
Come Nigel yer oan a hidin' pal!
Wee 'hottie' Cynthia actually showed a vague sign of hope (promise)
... but she was probably fantasizing about oor Nigel givin' her the Boab later
... as in
... 'hide the salchicha compa!!"
... who knows
... but she was probably fantasizing about oor Nigel givin' her the Boab later
... as in
... 'hide the salchicha compa!!"
... who knows
Wake up and smell the cafe solo buddy
Sin centavo … aw yer skint pal … ahh well!!
Onywayes …
… Heavan help oor stereotypical Tartan Boab.
The soor mulk of our intellectual cream dinnae get it dae they??
For foooooooohh-kkkssss sake !!!
Anyway Hyde Park was ‘hoachin’ (translation: extremely busy … jam packed foo!
… as in stuffed tae the gunnells) with these young Turks … a.k.a. ‘waky’students.
Help mahh f’ing Boab.
Not wan o’ them hud a Scoob
(translation: they were ever so slightly slow … as in dull … as in stupid)
As I said earlier …
… not easy havin’ a laff these days.
Too many ‘sensitive souls (lost sheep?)
… and eejits wae nae sense o’ humour … nivir mind decorum!!
Onywayes …
… Heavan help oor stereotypical Tartan Boab.
The soor mulk of our intellectual cream dinnae get it dae they??
For foooooooohh-kkkssss sake !!!
Anyway Hyde Park was ‘hoachin’ (translation: extremely busy … jam packed foo!
… as in stuffed tae the gunnells) with these young Turks … a.k.a. ‘waky’students.
Help mahh f’ing Boab.
Not wan o’ them hud a Scoob
(translation: they were ever so slightly slow … as in dull … as in stupid)
As I said earlier …
… not easy havin’ a laff these days.
Too many ‘sensitive souls (lost sheep?)
… and eejits wae nae sense o’ humour … nivir mind decorum!!
mibbee it was the sun ... hmmmm???
Nahh doubt it as in severely
... hae mahh dooots 'n'at
... they just don't get the godamn joke
... Christ!!!
... hae mahh dooots 'n'at
... they just don't get the godamn joke
... Christ!!!
Go Sara ... go Sara ... gozar ... vamos a bailar!!
Jesus Christ
... ain't easy
... havin' a bleedin' laff these days wae these student types huh?
Doctor Granados de Cordoba …aye him!!
“Ay Ernestito por favor compa!!”
Anyway Nigel and Cynth (his wee ‘hottie’ shaggin’ partner) …
Still don’t get it
… aw gee shucks Elmer!!
By fuck …
Thick as pigshit
… supposed to be fuckin’ intellectuals too.
Goad help us …
Help mahh Boab!!
... ain't easy
... havin' a bleedin' laff these days wae these student types huh?
Doctor Granados de Cordoba …aye him!!
“Ay Ernestito por favor compa!!”
Anyway Nigel and Cynth (his wee ‘hottie’ shaggin’ partner) …
Still don’t get it
… aw gee shucks Elmer!!
By fuck …
Thick as pigshit
… supposed to be fuckin’ intellectuals too.
Goad help us …
Help mahh Boab!!
Back to black ... or back to Hyde Park ...!
Anyway …
Is yon fat Chilean wummin still singing:
… ‘Chipi Chipi’
Well we can always pretend it’s still 1952.
“Ay Ernestito … por favor pompa …
… vamos a bailar!!
“Concha de tu madre!!!”
… as the highly shaggable mechanic’s wife says to him
… before they both get papped oot o’ the disco unceremoniously
… and told in no uncertain terms to get their stupid Argentinean arses oot.
You know??
Anyway back to Hyde Park in the sun.
Nigel (Tristram) and Cynthia (Florence)
… soft Sooothern Nancies as Yorkshire fowk say
aye them!!
By fuck modern students are thick as pigshit when it comes to
… havin’ a lafff mate innit!!
Is yon fat Chilean wummin still singing:
… ‘Chipi Chipi’
Well we can always pretend it’s still 1952.
“Ay Ernestito … por favor pompa …
… vamos a bailar!!
“Concha de tu madre!!!”
… as the highly shaggable mechanic’s wife says to him
… before they both get papped oot o’ the disco unceremoniously
… and told in no uncertain terms to get their stupid Argentinean arses oot.
You know??
Anyway back to Hyde Park in the sun.
Nigel (Tristram) and Cynthia (Florence)
… soft Sooothern Nancies as Yorkshire fowk say
aye them!!
By fuck modern students are thick as pigshit when it comes to
… havin’ a lafff mate innit!!
Labouring point now ... yee-uchh
These student's being silver-spoon-in-gub types from Dan Saff in Lun-dun mate.
CVhrist they seriously are tedious fucks
... really
Goad help us!!
The intellectual cream is soor mulk rather than cream these days!!
CVhrist they seriously are tedious fucks
... really
Goad help us!!
The intellectual cream is soor mulk rather than cream these days!!
Onywayes ... Hyde Park ... innit mate!!
Chhh-ay-zzzoooooss Kreeee-steehh!
So first up is Nigel (might be Tristram) onywayes ... the boey ... as opposed to his sweet young shaggin' partner Cynthia (or was it Florence?)
Point is that
(back to Cockney accent)
Leeds seems to attract lots of privately educated numpties to come to the local Ivory Tower and slum-it ...Oooop Nrth with the great unwashed.
So first up is Nigel (might be Tristram) onywayes ... the boey ... as opposed to his sweet young shaggin' partner Cynthia (or was it Florence?)
Point is that
(back to Cockney accent)
Leeds seems to attract lots of privately educated numpties to come to the local Ivory Tower and slum-it ...Oooop Nrth with the great unwashed.
Foxy Mulder crash-lands in Leeds, W.Yorkshire ... oooops
Catholic Irish Alcoholic (i.e. a frightfully scary looking American chappie who looks remarkably similar to Fox Mulder’s nemesis on a certain dull 1990’s cop show)
Yessss-ssss!
As Mr. Paxman the news-anchor says a la Bay Bay thhhh-fay de Laundrays.
i.e. Auntie Beeb old chap.
Embarrassing … yes Cynthia auld girl … wish it was actually darr-leeng.
Ahh don’t know … the things you do oan a sunny afternoon in Yorkshire to entertain yersel whilst yer missus is out for a wee chin-wag wae Sandra and the girlies ehh?
I was at a loose end so kept driving in the general direction of Leeds, West Yorkshire and I found myself in Hyde Park / Headingley (Byres Road / Hillhead / Hyndland for the benefit o’ folks back hame ‘n’at).
You know what I mean …
… the intellectual Cream of our Youth
… student-bed-sit land of course
… for the benefit of our Septic cousin across the Pond
… picture late April in Spring Bank holidays in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
Ohh guid … that’s the ticket laddie (and lassies too! ;-) …)
Anyway … frightfully ‘waky’ st-yooo-dents ‘n’at!!!
OHHH dear how frightfully tedious I hear you retort
… you can’t be an anarchist pal … yer hair’s too long matey!!!
Onywayes oan wae the explanation / expll-eee-kaah-thh-feee-ohh-nay.
Yes
… I know a joke becomes dull
… when you have to explain / re-explain / quantify / give contextual details
… and become a fuckin’ walking insomnia cure (oan wheels preferably)
…the punch-line to these so-called hip-dudes / the New Kids oan th’Block / latest crop of bright-eyed bushy-tailed undergraduates
… to you and me!!
Thank fuck a certain
… New-Yorkino actriz / cantante
(singing dancing actress … to us Brits).
La senorita Lopez to you and me bud!!
You know her …
Used to be rahhh-tt trendy here in Yorkshire to sing J-Lo songs a few yesrs back.
“Ahhm still … ahh’m still Jenny from the Block!”
Yon sexy burd that made big arses sexy again
Ohhh …
As I said when you have to explain the punch-line of your joke
… to these slow-on-the-uptake Newbies
… well … theirs mahh tits are now spontaneously evaporating again.
That’s how bored I actually was Cynthia darling actual my fair lady.
By fuck … modern students … are such a bunch of tedious dreary cunts these days huh!!
Onywayes finding myself in Hyde Park and being a sunny Saturday afternoon …
… well I thought … naively that
… well we would
(Cockney accent again)
… have a laff innit mate!!
Yea … I know these brainy young cunts couldn’t
… fucking well laugh if you zapped five billion Volts into their politically-correct (i.e. Politically Naïve) inanimate corpses actually.
However dunderheid here tried!! (i.e. that’s me babe)
I know
… cynics amongst you will say … aw hey buddy …
… they are young they are supposed to be stupid and not very particularly well-versed in humour … but I did try Nigel old bean … believe me I did waste my lungs and vocal chords at least trying to be Doctor Frankenstein and zap electric currents through their empty-shells.
Why did I bother huh??
Yessss-ssss!
As Mr. Paxman the news-anchor says a la Bay Bay thhhh-fay de Laundrays.
i.e. Auntie Beeb old chap.
Embarrassing … yes Cynthia auld girl … wish it was actually darr-leeng.
Ahh don’t know … the things you do oan a sunny afternoon in Yorkshire to entertain yersel whilst yer missus is out for a wee chin-wag wae Sandra and the girlies ehh?
I was at a loose end so kept driving in the general direction of Leeds, West Yorkshire and I found myself in Hyde Park / Headingley (Byres Road / Hillhead / Hyndland for the benefit o’ folks back hame ‘n’at).
You know what I mean …
… the intellectual Cream of our Youth
… student-bed-sit land of course
… for the benefit of our Septic cousin across the Pond
… picture late April in Spring Bank holidays in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
Ohh guid … that’s the ticket laddie (and lassies too! ;-) …)
Anyway … frightfully ‘waky’ st-yooo-dents ‘n’at!!!
OHHH dear how frightfully tedious I hear you retort
… you can’t be an anarchist pal … yer hair’s too long matey!!!
Onywayes oan wae the explanation / expll-eee-kaah-thh-feee-ohh-nay.
Yes
… I know a joke becomes dull
… when you have to explain / re-explain / quantify / give contextual details
… and become a fuckin’ walking insomnia cure (oan wheels preferably)
…the punch-line to these so-called hip-dudes / the New Kids oan th’Block / latest crop of bright-eyed bushy-tailed undergraduates
… to you and me!!
Thank fuck a certain
… New-Yorkino actriz / cantante
(singing dancing actress … to us Brits).
La senorita Lopez to you and me bud!!
You know her …
Used to be rahhh-tt trendy here in Yorkshire to sing J-Lo songs a few yesrs back.
“Ahhm still … ahh’m still Jenny from the Block!”
Yon sexy burd that made big arses sexy again
Ohhh …
As I said when you have to explain the punch-line of your joke
… to these slow-on-the-uptake Newbies
… well … theirs mahh tits are now spontaneously evaporating again.
That’s how bored I actually was Cynthia darling actual my fair lady.
By fuck … modern students … are such a bunch of tedious dreary cunts these days huh!!
Onywayes finding myself in Hyde Park and being a sunny Saturday afternoon …
… well I thought … naively that
… well we would
(Cockney accent again)
… have a laff innit mate!!
Yea … I know these brainy young cunts couldn’t
… fucking well laugh if you zapped five billion Volts into their politically-correct (i.e. Politically Naïve) inanimate corpses actually.
However dunderheid here tried!! (i.e. that’s me babe)
I know
… cynics amongst you will say … aw hey buddy …
… they are young they are supposed to be stupid and not very particularly well-versed in humour … but I did try Nigel old bean … believe me I did waste my lungs and vocal chords at least trying to be Doctor Frankenstein and zap electric currents through their empty-shells.
Why did I bother huh??
Ay si senor ... por favor ... aff gonnae no dae that again
Afghani-no-dae-that mate!!
Well that was a death worse than fate … but ahh wuz literally
… ‘saved by the bell’ … so to speak.
Well the ring tone on my darling young Yorkshire woman wife’s mobile phone actually.
We wuz driving doon tae Asda’s when her mobey rang … it was her pal Sandra wantin’ tae meet-up furra wee chin-wag and a coffee.
… brilliant
… aff ye yo-hoh then hen
So my sexy other half hitched up her mini-skirt; sprayed some perfume and jumped oot o’ the Hali-coater and intae Sandra’s.
Lots of burning rubber as the wheels span and Sandra drove away in her usual customary enthusiastic style.
“Jist as well ye dinnae live in Saudi Arabia hen … !”
Obviously in that frightfully civilsed shining example of peaceful Islamic society’s embracing modernity …
… well women being women
… well in Saudi if ye are a wummin …
… ye are no allowed tae drive a Hali-coater
… nivir mind actually hold a driving licence babe.
So with my sexy other half away tae chew the fat with Sandra (and all the other girlie stuff that women dae oan a Saturday) … In am free to wallop my fingers aff this here keyboard and pen another wee reflection on that stage-managed pish that we shall now refer to as:
… The Chuckle Brothers … parte dos!
Yea yea …
… aye ahh no …
That was yon Northern Irish comedy duo …
i.e. Martin McGuiness and the good reverend Doctor Iain Paisley.
So our Brit version is oor wee Gordy-gordo (a.k.a. Jesssie Broon) the current Prime Minister Herr Brown;
Lunkheid Cameron (he of restaurant / bar trashing dinner club fame);
And last but not least the third lunkheid …
‘Vayas a la mierde’ senor Nick Clegg.
Picture three eejits heids oan wan body.
Onywayes … they honestly think that the Brit telly watching public actually find this ‘love-in’ entertaining.
“Ohh I agree with Nick …!”
(simpering spineless smile to camera)
“Ohh I agree with Gordon!!”
(another wee glaekit grin at the telly monitor)
For fucksake when are these spineless corrupt bastards gonnae take their cocks out of each other’s mouths??
I mean I know that Peter Mandelson is a faggot … so Jessie Broon is used to it by now.
But I personally filled fifteen vomit buckets that night whilst watching the three party leaders
… acting like randy dugs on the street
… all sniffing each others arses
… and licking each others balls
… like horny dogs do when you take ‘em oot schhh-pat-zeeerin-gayin’ for ‘walkies’.
Chhhhhhh-ay-zooooss-Kreeehh-stee senor … por favor!!
My French pal Jacques (a.k.a. JAKEY)
… Cheese-eating surrender monkey to you pal!!
Is I have previously intimated …
… well
… mucho sarcástico hombre
Well that was a death worse than fate … but ahh wuz literally
… ‘saved by the bell’ … so to speak.
Well the ring tone on my darling young Yorkshire woman wife’s mobile phone actually.
We wuz driving doon tae Asda’s when her mobey rang … it was her pal Sandra wantin’ tae meet-up furra wee chin-wag and a coffee.
… brilliant
… aff ye yo-hoh then hen
So my sexy other half hitched up her mini-skirt; sprayed some perfume and jumped oot o’ the Hali-coater and intae Sandra’s.
Lots of burning rubber as the wheels span and Sandra drove away in her usual customary enthusiastic style.
“Jist as well ye dinnae live in Saudi Arabia hen … !”
Obviously in that frightfully civilsed shining example of peaceful Islamic society’s embracing modernity …
… well women being women
… well in Saudi if ye are a wummin …
… ye are no allowed tae drive a Hali-coater
… nivir mind actually hold a driving licence babe.
So with my sexy other half away tae chew the fat with Sandra (and all the other girlie stuff that women dae oan a Saturday) … In am free to wallop my fingers aff this here keyboard and pen another wee reflection on that stage-managed pish that we shall now refer to as:
… The Chuckle Brothers … parte dos!
Yea yea …
… aye ahh no …
That was yon Northern Irish comedy duo …
i.e. Martin McGuiness and the good reverend Doctor Iain Paisley.
So our Brit version is oor wee Gordy-gordo (a.k.a. Jesssie Broon) the current Prime Minister Herr Brown;
Lunkheid Cameron (he of restaurant / bar trashing dinner club fame);
And last but not least the third lunkheid …
‘Vayas a la mierde’ senor Nick Clegg.
Picture three eejits heids oan wan body.
Onywayes … they honestly think that the Brit telly watching public actually find this ‘love-in’ entertaining.
“Ohh I agree with Nick …!”
(simpering spineless smile to camera)
“Ohh I agree with Gordon!!”
(another wee glaekit grin at the telly monitor)
For fucksake when are these spineless corrupt bastards gonnae take their cocks out of each other’s mouths??
I mean I know that Peter Mandelson is a faggot … so Jessie Broon is used to it by now.
But I personally filled fifteen vomit buckets that night whilst watching the three party leaders
… acting like randy dugs on the street
… all sniffing each others arses
… and licking each others balls
… like horny dogs do when you take ‘em oot schhh-pat-zeeerin-gayin’ for ‘walkies’.
Chhhhhhh-ay-zooooss-Kreeehh-stee senor … por favor!!
My French pal Jacques (a.k.a. JAKEY)
… Cheese-eating surrender monkey to you pal!!
Is I have previously intimated …
… well
… mucho sarcástico hombre
Afghan-nae-no-dae-that ...!!!
Afghan-nae-no-dae-that
It would be fun if a film director made a spoof horror film to demonstrate how crazy superstitious nonsense is driving the lunkheids system of belief.
It could start with a butch manly voice (like the standard Hollywood one already used to promote upcoming films on standard cinema trailers)
Trailer Voice: “For centuries they tried to escape from it …!!”
(dramatic music starts)
“… they tried in vain but could not hold it back …!”
(music like scary stuff from ‘Jaws’)
“… no matter how much they tried it could not be forced back …!”
(dramatic music becomes more frantic …!! )
“The evil could not be contained …!!”
(drums in music building to a crescendo)
“… in vain they could not force this evil to remain contained away from their eyes
… it’s power was too much for them …!!”
(trumpets and drums almost hit an orgasmic crescendo)
“… they were at last overcome by it’s true evil power …!!”
(a voice shrieks in terror)
“… it was …!!”
(trailer voice almost shoots his load with excitement … as music hits peak of excitement)
“… it was …!”
(screams of horror rise to volcanic eruption)
“… an uncovered female head of hair …!”
(Muslim woman takes of her hijab and throws it in the bonfire)
I picture a total honey like Penelope Cruz or her mate Salma Hayek in this kind of film.
The anticipation would rise amongst the cinema audience as she gets to the point where she thrusts forward to tear off her hijab and reveal her long flowing locks of beautiful shoulder length hair in all it’s glory.
Why Pene Cruz could almost add to it with her normal advert one-liner
… “because your WORTH IT …!!!”
Again …
… I can dream can’t I??
However there isn’t a film producer or a director anywhere in Hollywood with enough fire in their belly (or zest in their spineless bodies) to commit to such a project
… none of them have the balls!!
Nobody in Hollywood has the bravery to make a film of that nature.
They have been systematically bashed
… into submission and self-censorship by Muslim fascists.
Aff-gonae-no-dae-that!!!
Afghani-no-dae-that again!!!
… aye chance wid be a fine thing hen!!
Onywayes peeps … got tae get oot th’noo in … this gloriously warm sunny Yorkshire morning … back here in Blighty … can’t believe it’s only late April.
My sexy other-half is looking luscious in her fetching denim miniskirt and cute red t-shirt … however … being a Yorkshirewoman … she is telling me in extra unsubtle terms that it’s time too yo-hoh Joe.
… bella ciao for now
… toodle-pip Roger old bean.
… okey-dokey Cynthia-hhh darrr-ling …
… let’s get in the Hali-coater and drive doon tae Asda’s afore the rush starts hen.
It would be fun if a film director made a spoof horror film to demonstrate how crazy superstitious nonsense is driving the lunkheids system of belief.
It could start with a butch manly voice (like the standard Hollywood one already used to promote upcoming films on standard cinema trailers)
Trailer Voice: “For centuries they tried to escape from it …!!”
(dramatic music starts)
“… they tried in vain but could not hold it back …!”
(music like scary stuff from ‘Jaws’)
“… no matter how much they tried it could not be forced back …!”
(dramatic music becomes more frantic …!! )
“The evil could not be contained …!!”
(drums in music building to a crescendo)
“… in vain they could not force this evil to remain contained away from their eyes
… it’s power was too much for them …!!”
(trumpets and drums almost hit an orgasmic crescendo)
“… they were at last overcome by it’s true evil power …!!”
(a voice shrieks in terror)
“… it was …!!”
(trailer voice almost shoots his load with excitement … as music hits peak of excitement)
“… it was …!”
(screams of horror rise to volcanic eruption)
“… an uncovered female head of hair …!”
(Muslim woman takes of her hijab and throws it in the bonfire)
I picture a total honey like Penelope Cruz or her mate Salma Hayek in this kind of film.
The anticipation would rise amongst the cinema audience as she gets to the point where she thrusts forward to tear off her hijab and reveal her long flowing locks of beautiful shoulder length hair in all it’s glory.
Why Pene Cruz could almost add to it with her normal advert one-liner
… “because your WORTH IT …!!!”
Again …
… I can dream can’t I??
However there isn’t a film producer or a director anywhere in Hollywood with enough fire in their belly (or zest in their spineless bodies) to commit to such a project
… none of them have the balls!!
Nobody in Hollywood has the bravery to make a film of that nature.
They have been systematically bashed
… into submission and self-censorship by Muslim fascists.
Aff-gonae-no-dae-that!!!
Afghani-no-dae-that again!!!
… aye chance wid be a fine thing hen!!
Onywayes peeps … got tae get oot th’noo in … this gloriously warm sunny Yorkshire morning … back here in Blighty … can’t believe it’s only late April.
My sexy other-half is looking luscious in her fetching denim miniskirt and cute red t-shirt … however … being a Yorkshirewoman … she is telling me in extra unsubtle terms that it’s time too yo-hoh Joe.
… bella ciao for now
… toodle-pip Roger old bean.
… okey-dokey Cynthia-hhh darrr-ling …
… let’s get in the Hali-coater and drive doon tae Asda’s afore the rush starts hen.
Friday 23 April 2010
Freedom needs constant vigilance
So …
By now you are thinking … has this guy flipped??
Is he a Right-winger or a screaming Left-winger?
But I passionately care about our freedom of speech
… and freedom of choice.
I’ll explain … I was recently on a trip … ‘up the road’
… to my native Scotland.
Well Edinburgh’s Nicholson Street to be precise.
On a rainy day in November 2009.
I was sat in a café awaiting the arrival of an old pal
… when an ‘auld biddy’
… ‘a wifey’
… came up and sat down at the adjacent table
… then unprompted
… she spontaneously unloaded on me as we were sipping from our cups.
“Youse young yins …!”
… she began (i.e. you young modern people)
“… ye huvnae goat a clue … so yuz huvnae …!!”
“… yuz are styoo-pit numpties!!”
(translation: ‘you young folks are a couple of cans light of a six-pack’)
Anyway enough vernacular …
The old lady explained that she was a young woman of 21 during World War 2 in 1944 … and how she felt alarmed that the younger Post-war generations are feeling increasingly far removed from it (W.W.2.).
The upshot of her ramblings (between sips from her cup) was that freedom is something we take for granted now … but her generation saw for themselves the horrors of fascism; the Warsaw Ghetto; Auschwitz etc.
She explained that freedom requires constant vigilance … and she said that she found it really sad how many young folk don’t value their freedom.
You are probably thinking
... ahh the dozy 86 yr old bat
... why is she not in the care home … singing Glen Miller songs … where she belongs rather than boring a stranger to death in a café.
What struck me about her was her rage as she spoke.
She still had fire in her belly.
Too many people nowadays couldn’t care less …
… the ‘who gives a shit’ mentality.
and that flippant apathy troubled her
... all these people who think that it is 'cool' to not have an opinion
... who don't care about the government ...
... she was very angry ...
… because she had witnessed the rise of Hitler first-hand … and she knew the dangers of fascism.
By now you are thinking … has this guy flipped??
Is he a Right-winger or a screaming Left-winger?
But I passionately care about our freedom of speech
… and freedom of choice.
I’ll explain … I was recently on a trip … ‘up the road’
… to my native Scotland.
Well Edinburgh’s Nicholson Street to be precise.
On a rainy day in November 2009.
I was sat in a café awaiting the arrival of an old pal
… when an ‘auld biddy’
… ‘a wifey’
… came up and sat down at the adjacent table
… then unprompted
… she spontaneously unloaded on me as we were sipping from our cups.
“Youse young yins …!”
… she began (i.e. you young modern people)
“… ye huvnae goat a clue … so yuz huvnae …!!”
“… yuz are styoo-pit numpties!!”
(translation: ‘you young folks are a couple of cans light of a six-pack’)
Anyway enough vernacular …
The old lady explained that she was a young woman of 21 during World War 2 in 1944 … and how she felt alarmed that the younger Post-war generations are feeling increasingly far removed from it (W.W.2.).
The upshot of her ramblings (between sips from her cup) was that freedom is something we take for granted now … but her generation saw for themselves the horrors of fascism; the Warsaw Ghetto; Auschwitz etc.
She explained that freedom requires constant vigilance … and she said that she found it really sad how many young folk don’t value their freedom.
You are probably thinking
... ahh the dozy 86 yr old bat
... why is she not in the care home … singing Glen Miller songs … where she belongs rather than boring a stranger to death in a café.
What struck me about her was her rage as she spoke.
She still had fire in her belly.
Too many people nowadays couldn’t care less …
… the ‘who gives a shit’ mentality.
and that flippant apathy troubled her
... all these people who think that it is 'cool' to not have an opinion
... who don't care about the government ...
... she was very angry ...
… because she had witnessed the rise of Hitler first-hand … and she knew the dangers of fascism.
Only infidel whores need a clitoris
Some of you are no doubt wondering
… what’s happening in Muckle Toon?
Simple answer.
British General Election time.
Last week we had the first of a series (and a first for Brit TV) of U.S.-style Presidential televised debates with the three dunderheids vying to be the future leader of the Brit government.
Jessie Broon (the current Prime Minister) versus Lunkheid David Cameron(a.k.a. ‘Tony Blair-lite’); and ‘vayas a la mierde’ Nick Clegg.
How pish poor and pathetic really.
Stage-managed corporate pish by any other name.
They all pretend they are different
(Cockney accent)
… hoh hoh hoh
Oy should bleedin’ Coco.
Whoever wins …
… bankers will still be fat & greedy
… the rich will get richer … the poor will get poorer
… and Britain will continue on it’s path
… to becoming an Islamic Caliphate.
This is all tied in with a 1960’s politician called Enoch Powell and his infamous “Rivers of Blood” speech.
Basically politicians have this unspoken / unchallenged unwritten rule that they can not get to close to the bone for fear of being accused of racism.
This is why to go back to the 1990’s Grunge-Rock song …
… ‘and there’s too much hesitation’
So much so that they pish their boxer shorts at the thought of an unscripted encounter with a ‘live’ audience of their peers
… i.e. Joe Public.
So the ‘debate’ last week and that one yesterday
… was stage-managed pish.
Unfortunately in our corporate world
… of hacks and Spin-Doctors’
… an actual proper ‘live’ debate is a wee bit too risky.
Ohh well better go buy the wife a new burka
… ‘panic now and avoid the rush’ … huh …!
Future of Miss France contest
Well I suppose we should inject more humour into this blog thingy huh??
As I said in a previous post I have been busy lately and have not done any new posts to this here blog thingy.
However a French pal recently sent me a picture
… of the ‘next Miss France contest’
See the burka-babe picture …!
He was telling me how Bridgette Bardot (a 1960’s French sex symbol / Film Star) was being hounded by the Muslim fascists in her native France for daring to be a ‘mouthy woman’ and voice her opinions.
My French mate … whom we shall refer to as Jacques
… or if you are Scottish
… Jakey
… is as my Spanish pal says:
… mucho sarcástico
Jakey / Jacques was telling me about the future direction
… of the Miss World franchise
… when Britain; France and the rest of Europe are firmly under the fascist boot of Islam.
I will translate his
… ‘Sac a patates’ joke if I may be permitted.
Apparently Belle de Fontenay is a potato joke
… lost in translation anyway.
The jist of it is that instead of lots of lovely ladies in bikinis it will become
… the Miss Sack of Spuds contest instead
… as our burka-clad babes vie for the top spot.
In this ‘New France’ the burka
… is in
… and Bardot’s ‘Old France’ of the mini-skirt
… is out
No wonder Nicolas Sarcozy is struggling huh?
Vayas a la mierde Nick Clegg ... por favor senor
Some of you may say that I am being alarmist here by juxtaposing Islam with Hitler’s rise to power.
Well …!!
Let’s look at this objectively shall we.
In the past 13 years of Blair /Brown’s administration there has been unfettered Islamification of Britain.
There has been an ongoing programme of mosque building
… and every week new ones are applying for planning permission.
Ok … I hear you say …
… people have the right
… in a democracy
… to choose
… which particular version of the ‘God-thing’
… that they wish to subscribe to.
Hmmmm …
Not quite!!
Most modern people in Europe are not religious.
In fact the majority are agnostic or outright atheist actually.
That is part and parcel of being modern
… and rejecting unscientific backward superstitious shite!!!
The problem (as I see it however others may well disagree) is that Islam is a rigid-thinking; backward; extremely authoritarian; stultified; intellectually-retarded; fear-based; and sexually-repressed load of pish.
Also
… most Imams (the geezers leading the ‘faithful’ to prayer)
… in British mosques are foreign-born and trained in backward repressive countries (like Saudi Arabia).
Also because Muslim communities tend to be self-isolating and as a whole do not integrate well with modernity
… well as that famous phrase went 40 years ago
… when the Apollo Mission went tits up … “Houston we got a PROBLEM!!”
Islam itself is a barrier to integration into the ways of our increasingly secular modern world.
Now then …
… some will point their self-righteous fingers in indignation
… and accuse me of being RACIST
… WHIT???
Racist?
Yea I said it …
… racist?
No way Jose.
Since when did Islam become a skin-colour?
EXCUSE ME …
Islam is not a skin colour …!!!
It is not racist to criticise / mock / laugh about (or puke on) this backward sexually repressed 7th Century fascist silly bollocks!!!
In fact
… I wish Prime Minister Brown;
… lunkheid David Cameron;
… and yon atheist Liberal geezer wae the sexy Spanish wife
… el senor Nick Clegg
… would lead the way!!
But they won’t
… they don’t have the balls
… they are far too frightened and cowed into submission like the corrupt sell-out bastards that they are. Too busy hand-wringing and hesitating huh. Ohh well that’s politicians for ya huh?
It just won’t
I repeat will not
… happen.
Even though Clegg is a ‘loud and proud atheist’ himself
… WELL his liberalism rapidly comes to an abrupt end
… when it comes to Islam.
He should actually have an opinion on this subject
… since the country
… where his sexy Spanish wife Miriam
… hails from
… was firmly under the fascist boot of Islam for centuries until the 15th century.
However I won’t go into how 15th century Christianity re-took Spain back from the Islamofascists of their day … again loads of other people cover it quite adequately elsewhere.
(vomits in bucket one more time)
As the famous words of that 1990’s Grunge-Rock song went:
“Well there’s too much hesitation
… yes there’s too much HESITATION!!”
Our hesitating politicos would rather do nothing
… like the effete numpties that they are
… and wait for the so-called ‘nice Islam’
… to chase away the ‘nasty Islam’
What PISH!!
I had better go and empty this rather full vomit bucket now huh???
Well …!!
Let’s look at this objectively shall we.
In the past 13 years of Blair /Brown’s administration there has been unfettered Islamification of Britain.
There has been an ongoing programme of mosque building
… and every week new ones are applying for planning permission.
Ok … I hear you say …
… people have the right
… in a democracy
… to choose
… which particular version of the ‘God-thing’
… that they wish to subscribe to.
Hmmmm …
Not quite!!
Most modern people in Europe are not religious.
In fact the majority are agnostic or outright atheist actually.
That is part and parcel of being modern
… and rejecting unscientific backward superstitious shite!!!
The problem (as I see it however others may well disagree) is that Islam is a rigid-thinking; backward; extremely authoritarian; stultified; intellectually-retarded; fear-based; and sexually-repressed load of pish.
Also
… most Imams (the geezers leading the ‘faithful’ to prayer)
… in British mosques are foreign-born and trained in backward repressive countries (like Saudi Arabia).
Also because Muslim communities tend to be self-isolating and as a whole do not integrate well with modernity
… well as that famous phrase went 40 years ago
… when the Apollo Mission went tits up … “Houston we got a PROBLEM!!”
Islam itself is a barrier to integration into the ways of our increasingly secular modern world.
Now then …
… some will point their self-righteous fingers in indignation
… and accuse me of being RACIST
… WHIT???
Racist?
Yea I said it …
… racist?
No way Jose.
Since when did Islam become a skin-colour?
EXCUSE ME …
Islam is not a skin colour …!!!
It is not racist to criticise / mock / laugh about (or puke on) this backward sexually repressed 7th Century fascist silly bollocks!!!
In fact
… I wish Prime Minister Brown;
… lunkheid David Cameron;
… and yon atheist Liberal geezer wae the sexy Spanish wife
… el senor Nick Clegg
… would lead the way!!
But they won’t
… they don’t have the balls
… they are far too frightened and cowed into submission like the corrupt sell-out bastards that they are. Too busy hand-wringing and hesitating huh. Ohh well that’s politicians for ya huh?
It just won’t
I repeat will not
… happen.
Even though Clegg is a ‘loud and proud atheist’ himself
… WELL his liberalism rapidly comes to an abrupt end
… when it comes to Islam.
He should actually have an opinion on this subject
… since the country
… where his sexy Spanish wife Miriam
… hails from
… was firmly under the fascist boot of Islam for centuries until the 15th century.
However I won’t go into how 15th century Christianity re-took Spain back from the Islamofascists of their day … again loads of other people cover it quite adequately elsewhere.
(vomits in bucket one more time)
As the famous words of that 1990’s Grunge-Rock song went:
“Well there’s too much hesitation
… yes there’s too much HESITATION!!”
Our hesitating politicos would rather do nothing
… like the effete numpties that they are
… and wait for the so-called ‘nice Islam’
… to chase away the ‘nasty Islam’
What PISH!!
I had better go and empty this rather full vomit bucket now huh???
..more on these fascist Muslim eejits.
Just read another article
... in jolly old Auntie Beeb's website
... about Belgium historic decision to stop the burka.
In true BBC style they interviewed a representative sample of Belgian female Muslim opinion.
(searching for puke bucket again)
Anyway this Belgian lassie who they did their 'vox pop' dod-to-dod doubray with is hilarious.
It goes on:
"... She is covered from head to foot, with just a small slit for her eyes. Even her hands are gloved.
If the new law is approved she could be fined or even arrested for dressing like this. And Selma says that is a threat to her rights.
"You have to realise that the niqab is a personal choice, at least in my particular case," she says.
..."
The Beeb news article continues:
"Everyone should be free to express themselves the way they want, according to their conviction and religion, without having to abide by a law. But I'd be disappointed if in Europe we would not be free to do what we want"
How frighfully noble Selma old girl
... top hole old bean
... what what??
Keech van der Reech honey.
Look what happened to Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
Selma (the Belgian vox pop lass)
Really honey
... get a life sugar
... and go home and tell your brother / uncle / father
and then the dreaded Imam (Muslim equavalent of priest / vicar / minister of religion)
... that you have decided on a recent shopping expedition that you want to start wearing bikinis
... or worse still
... mini-skirts!!
Hmmm???
I am sure that your noble sentiments regarding freedom of choice will rapidly evaporate.
If you are lucky Selma my dear lady
... they will not:
... kidnap you;
... rape you;
... then knock thirteen kinds of crap out of you first.
However I suppose freedom of choice being freedom of choice
... well then
... we should obviously defend poor wee Selma's freedom to be
... a submissive; bottle-washing; soon to be married off too early; baby factory. Rather than a modern European woman ... hmmmmmm?
Her freedom to be a backward sexually repressed numpty ... huh?
Sure thing Selma honey
... you carry on hen!!
... in jolly old Auntie Beeb's website
... about Belgium historic decision to stop the burka.
In true BBC style they interviewed a representative sample of Belgian female Muslim opinion.
(searching for puke bucket again)
Anyway this Belgian lassie who they did their 'vox pop' dod-to-dod doubray with is hilarious.
It goes on:
"... She is covered from head to foot, with just a small slit for her eyes. Even her hands are gloved.
If the new law is approved she could be fined or even arrested for dressing like this. And Selma says that is a threat to her rights.
"You have to realise that the niqab is a personal choice, at least in my particular case," she says.
..."
The Beeb news article continues:
"Everyone should be free to express themselves the way they want, according to their conviction and religion, without having to abide by a law. But I'd be disappointed if in Europe we would not be free to do what we want"
How frighfully noble Selma old girl
... top hole old bean
... what what??
Keech van der Reech honey.
Look what happened to Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
Selma (the Belgian vox pop lass)
Really honey
... get a life sugar
... and go home and tell your brother / uncle / father
and then the dreaded Imam (Muslim equavalent of priest / vicar / minister of religion)
... that you have decided on a recent shopping expedition that you want to start wearing bikinis
... or worse still
... mini-skirts!!
Hmmm???
I am sure that your noble sentiments regarding freedom of choice will rapidly evaporate.
If you are lucky Selma my dear lady
... they will not:
... kidnap you;
... rape you;
... then knock thirteen kinds of crap out of you first.
However I suppose freedom of choice being freedom of choice
... well then
... we should obviously defend poor wee Selma's freedom to be
... a submissive; bottle-washing; soon to be married off too early; baby factory. Rather than a modern European woman ... hmmmmmm?
Her freedom to be a backward sexually repressed numpty ... huh?
Sure thing Selma honey
... you carry on hen!!
Modern ... and I stress Modern Europe!!!
Been a wee bit too busy recently to write new blog entries however I just read this news item about the French President Nicolas Sarcozy and one of his aides being issued with a death threat.
Suddenly I got a flashback to the dark days of the 1980's Salman Rushdie Affair
... and my thoughts also turned to more recent events with that extremely valiant (and also extremely brave) former member of the Dutch Parliament Ms. Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
I won't go into detail here since both of these individuals have lots and lots of other stuff freely available on the Internet which you can search for yourselves.
Ms. Hirsi Ali's case is particularly relevant because she is a rare example of what happens when Muslim women have the dedication
... and I stress BRAVERY
... to speak out against this repressive anti-democractic backward seventh century codswallop masquerading
... as a so-called 'religion of peace'
(reaches for vomit bucket)
Her courage and determinition in the face of adversity is a shining example of what happens when you disagree with these backward seventh Century Islamofascists.
Anyway Sarcozy's aide got a death threat from these eejits!!
Also Belgium is about to outlaw / ban the Burka or Niqab ... well done to the Belgians.
Our weak-willed hand-wringing New Labour government have dithered / hesitated / and generally pissed about for too long.
This kind of shines light on Tony Blair's hollow words five years ago when he stood shoulder to shoulder with other world leaders at the G8 Conference at Gleneagles in Northern Scotland ... on the day after the July 7th attacks by a group of 'home-grown' Yorkshire Islamofascists ... he then said:
"The Rules have CHANGED!!"
... YEA sure they did Mr.Blair.
Unfortunately our own British government did not actually do anything real or concrete to ensure that Britain remains a SECULAR democratic country and does not become a backward seventh century Islamic Caliphate.
So why is Prime Minister Gordon Brown shilly-shallying whilst Islamic fundamentalism is on the march??
Could it be that the so-called 'Dunkirk Spirit' he recently refered in his electioneering
... is de facto 'no-more'??
Is it that the British want to become an Islamic Caliphate???
Remember what happened in the 1930's when people dithered and hesitated whilst Hitler got organised??
I would say we face a new fascism here in Europe and it is called Islam!!
We should realise that the threat from Islam is just as dangerous to modern Europe today
... as Hitler and the other Nazis were in the 1930's.
I make no apologies for expressing this point of view.
However look at Islam ... it ain't peaceful and it ain't into the secular modern world that we live in either
... in fact it is very determined that it will drag us backwards to the 7th century with it.
Well I for one prefer the modern world of the 21st Century
... what about yourselves?
However I do not hear any of the political parties in the General Election thingey actually saying what they will do to halt the Islamic threat.
Don't see or hear any of them promising to follow the French or Belgian example.
In fact the silence is deafening!!!
Suddenly I got a flashback to the dark days of the 1980's Salman Rushdie Affair
... and my thoughts also turned to more recent events with that extremely valiant (and also extremely brave) former member of the Dutch Parliament Ms. Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
I won't go into detail here since both of these individuals have lots and lots of other stuff freely available on the Internet which you can search for yourselves.
Ms. Hirsi Ali's case is particularly relevant because she is a rare example of what happens when Muslim women have the dedication
... and I stress BRAVERY
... to speak out against this repressive anti-democractic backward seventh century codswallop masquerading
... as a so-called 'religion of peace'
(reaches for vomit bucket)
Her courage and determinition in the face of adversity is a shining example of what happens when you disagree with these backward seventh Century Islamofascists.
Anyway Sarcozy's aide got a death threat from these eejits!!
Also Belgium is about to outlaw / ban the Burka or Niqab ... well done to the Belgians.
Our weak-willed hand-wringing New Labour government have dithered / hesitated / and generally pissed about for too long.
This kind of shines light on Tony Blair's hollow words five years ago when he stood shoulder to shoulder with other world leaders at the G8 Conference at Gleneagles in Northern Scotland ... on the day after the July 7th attacks by a group of 'home-grown' Yorkshire Islamofascists ... he then said:
"The Rules have CHANGED!!"
... YEA sure they did Mr.Blair.
Unfortunately our own British government did not actually do anything real or concrete to ensure that Britain remains a SECULAR democratic country and does not become a backward seventh century Islamic Caliphate.
So why is Prime Minister Gordon Brown shilly-shallying whilst Islamic fundamentalism is on the march??
Could it be that the so-called 'Dunkirk Spirit' he recently refered in his electioneering
... is de facto 'no-more'??
Is it that the British want to become an Islamic Caliphate???
Remember what happened in the 1930's when people dithered and hesitated whilst Hitler got organised??
I would say we face a new fascism here in Europe and it is called Islam!!
We should realise that the threat from Islam is just as dangerous to modern Europe today
... as Hitler and the other Nazis were in the 1930's.
I make no apologies for expressing this point of view.
However look at Islam ... it ain't peaceful and it ain't into the secular modern world that we live in either
... in fact it is very determined that it will drag us backwards to the 7th century with it.
Well I for one prefer the modern world of the 21st Century
... what about yourselves?
However I do not hear any of the political parties in the General Election thingey actually saying what they will do to halt the Islamic threat.
Don't see or hear any of them promising to follow the French or Belgian example.
In fact the silence is deafening!!!
Friday 9 April 2010
Captains of Industry attack Gordon Brown
Interesting news item yesterday.
A group of the UK’s leading business people have signed a petition in the Press urging the Prime Minister to stop his proposed changes to the National Insurance system.
National Insurance (N.I.) is a form of taxation levied both on employers and also employees which is deducted at source (i.e. direct from your pay packet / salary) as a way to pay for the UK’s system of health care, the N.H.S. (or National Health Service).
It was set up in 1948 by the Labour government after World War Two.
In the 1930’s before the creation of the N.H.S. if you were poor in this country, and were unlucky enough to get ill then life could be tough
Free health care at the point of delivery is one of the most civilised aspects of our modern democratic society
In other parts of this planet people are not so lucky and getting ill can be hazardous plus costly.
It is civilised because we have the comfort of knowing that if you call an ambulance for somebody who falls down in the street then you personally do not pay the bill for their medical treatment.
Most European countries, have a similar system, the governments of the E.U. have what’s called a reciprocal agreement.
Therefore as a citizen of the European Union you are entitled to free health care in other member states.
Travel agents rarely share this information with Brit tourists booking holidays within Europe.
In the Netherlands; Spain or another E.U. country all you have to do is to show proof of your identity to the authorities before you get treated by the doctor. This is the highly valuable and in my humble opinion …very civilised.
This is the safety net which National Insurance contributions pay for.
All the political parties seem to have formed a consensus that the British government needs to savagely axe spending on services such as education and health care or raise taxes to pay off the government’s huge burden of debt.
Anyway
… back to the British Captains of Industry and their wrath at Mr. Brown
They argue that proposed changes to the National Insurance scheme will slow down Britain’s recovery from the economic recession and make it ‘more expensive’ to hire an employee.
People who earn more than 150 thousand a year are probably unlikely to use NHS hospitals anyway (unlike the majority of the population)
… the rich have access to privatised health care.
The Captains of Industry are worried.
Prime Minister Brown has also just proposed a new tax on Britain’s super-rich.
They are all threatening a huge exodus from Britain.
To countries where they would pay less tax (like Switzerland).
Could this be the real reason they are upset with Gordon Brown??
A group of the UK’s leading business people have signed a petition in the Press urging the Prime Minister to stop his proposed changes to the National Insurance system.
National Insurance (N.I.) is a form of taxation levied both on employers and also employees which is deducted at source (i.e. direct from your pay packet / salary) as a way to pay for the UK’s system of health care, the N.H.S. (or National Health Service).
It was set up in 1948 by the Labour government after World War Two.
In the 1930’s before the creation of the N.H.S. if you were poor in this country, and were unlucky enough to get ill then life could be tough
Free health care at the point of delivery is one of the most civilised aspects of our modern democratic society
In other parts of this planet people are not so lucky and getting ill can be hazardous plus costly.
It is civilised because we have the comfort of knowing that if you call an ambulance for somebody who falls down in the street then you personally do not pay the bill for their medical treatment.
Most European countries, have a similar system, the governments of the E.U. have what’s called a reciprocal agreement.
Therefore as a citizen of the European Union you are entitled to free health care in other member states.
Travel agents rarely share this information with Brit tourists booking holidays within Europe.
In the Netherlands; Spain or another E.U. country all you have to do is to show proof of your identity to the authorities before you get treated by the doctor. This is the highly valuable and in my humble opinion …very civilised.
This is the safety net which National Insurance contributions pay for.
All the political parties seem to have formed a consensus that the British government needs to savagely axe spending on services such as education and health care or raise taxes to pay off the government’s huge burden of debt.
Anyway
… back to the British Captains of Industry and their wrath at Mr. Brown
They argue that proposed changes to the National Insurance scheme will slow down Britain’s recovery from the economic recession and make it ‘more expensive’ to hire an employee.
People who earn more than 150 thousand a year are probably unlikely to use NHS hospitals anyway (unlike the majority of the population)
… the rich have access to privatised health care.
The Captains of Industry are worried.
Prime Minister Brown has also just proposed a new tax on Britain’s super-rich.
They are all threatening a huge exodus from Britain.
To countries where they would pay less tax (like Switzerland).
Could this be the real reason they are upset with Gordon Brown??
Thursday 8 April 2010
More on politicos britanicos
So where were we??
Ohh yes this wee insignificant event called the British General Election that has been ‘officially’ launched this week.
For the benefit of those from other parts of this planet who are unfamiliar to Brit politics I will give you my take on it.
Here goes …
The current ruling party are the Labour Party who have been in power now for thirteen years.
They came to power in May 1997 with the mission to end the previous 18 yrs of Conservative “sleaze” (you may remember Britain’s first female Prime Minister Mrs. Thatcher).
The Laboristas were led by a youngish chap in his early 40’s who had previously trained as a lawyer and had been a wee bit of a hippie during his undergraduate years at university and played in a Rock band.
The ‘Laborista in Chief’
… was a gentleman called Mr Anthony Blair
… in the glory days of May 1997
… who promised the British people that his New Labour government would be ‘clean’ (i.e. no sleaze)
… and sweep away the malaise and corruption of the previous Tory administration of Thatcher (then an awfully nice chap called John Major (who had been systematically ridiculed for being extremely ‘grey and boring’ by Brit satirists such as the puppet show ‘Spitting Image’)).
In 2007 Gordon Brown took the helm (no doubt because Blair anticipated the coming recession and went off to get rich on the proceeds of his book and become the (extremely well-paid) darling of the after-dinner speakers circuit).
The Conservative,
… have had a variety of leaders since 1997 (some instantly forgettable) including a Yorkshireman called William Hague (whose claim to fame was that he used to drink 10 pints of beer (or was that lemonade) on a night out.
Yes Mr. Hague that was pure dead street cred huh (sic)
However just over 4 years ago they chose a young bloke called David Cameron.
Many have argued that Cameron is ‘Tony Blair-lite’ or some kind of clone of the previous Laborista in Chief.
Anyway
… some have said that he is too posh
… and out of touch with real people (his privileged upbringing)
He was famous as a young slip of a lad for his membership of a lunch-club that used to trash bars and restaurants then wave a platinum Amex card at the irate staff / manager and claim that smashing up the establishment was just a jolly jape (student high pranks ehhh).
Then last but by no means least
… we have the Liberal Democrats.
They were formed from the synthesis of the old Liberal Party and a breakaway Laborista outfit called the Social Democrats.
Traditionally regarded as a wee bit twee and too woolly to real run the country.
They are currently led by Nick Clegg.
The previous leader was a Scotsman called Charles P. Kennedy who now spends his time as a guest presenter on various satirical TV shows
… like the BBC’s “Have I got news for you” and other such activities.
Nick Clegg was quite honest when interviewed about his religious viewpoint and was openly atheist (quite a refreshing change huh)
… we don’t do God!”
… he told the interviewer.
He also has a sexy Spanish wife called Miriam (also a lawyer).
That makes him fairly street-cred from a European perspective.
Obviously in the U.S.A.
… nobody would have the ‘balls’
… to say they were atheist
… if they intended to be the American leader and stand for the high office of the White House.
I won’t tell you what I think of Mr. Hussein Obama yet …!
Scotland; Wales; and N. Ireland now have devolved governments (one of the key Blair / Brown’s flag-ship initiatives to make Britain more democratic by de-centralising power away from London)
In Scotland the Laboristas have a battle with the Scottish Nationalists (S.N.P.) led by Alex Salmond and his robotic female deputy Nicola Sturgeon.
They have been the so-called ‘Scottish government’ (sic) since the Holyrood elections of 2007.
Salmond’s title or designation is that of ‘First Minister’.
Sturgeon is duputy-dog.
I could joke about the S.N.P. now
… but I am sure there will be lots of opportunities for that in the weeks to come.
Obviously since (I chose to) live in England rather than Scotland
… I do have an opinion about whether the UK should be broken up into its 4 constituent countries. Later we can talk about Spain and their similar venture / experiment in de-centralising power away from Madrid.
I will take a rest now … back later!!
Ohh yes this wee insignificant event called the British General Election that has been ‘officially’ launched this week.
For the benefit of those from other parts of this planet who are unfamiliar to Brit politics I will give you my take on it.
Here goes …
The current ruling party are the Labour Party who have been in power now for thirteen years.
They came to power in May 1997 with the mission to end the previous 18 yrs of Conservative “sleaze” (you may remember Britain’s first female Prime Minister Mrs. Thatcher).
The Laboristas were led by a youngish chap in his early 40’s who had previously trained as a lawyer and had been a wee bit of a hippie during his undergraduate years at university and played in a Rock band.
The ‘Laborista in Chief’
… was a gentleman called Mr Anthony Blair
… in the glory days of May 1997
… who promised the British people that his New Labour government would be ‘clean’ (i.e. no sleaze)
… and sweep away the malaise and corruption of the previous Tory administration of Thatcher (then an awfully nice chap called John Major (who had been systematically ridiculed for being extremely ‘grey and boring’ by Brit satirists such as the puppet show ‘Spitting Image’)).
In 2007 Gordon Brown took the helm (no doubt because Blair anticipated the coming recession and went off to get rich on the proceeds of his book and become the (extremely well-paid) darling of the after-dinner speakers circuit).
The Conservative,
… have had a variety of leaders since 1997 (some instantly forgettable) including a Yorkshireman called William Hague (whose claim to fame was that he used to drink 10 pints of beer (or was that lemonade) on a night out.
Yes Mr. Hague that was pure dead street cred huh (sic)
However just over 4 years ago they chose a young bloke called David Cameron.
Many have argued that Cameron is ‘Tony Blair-lite’ or some kind of clone of the previous Laborista in Chief.
Anyway
… some have said that he is too posh
… and out of touch with real people (his privileged upbringing)
He was famous as a young slip of a lad for his membership of a lunch-club that used to trash bars and restaurants then wave a platinum Amex card at the irate staff / manager and claim that smashing up the establishment was just a jolly jape (student high pranks ehhh).
Then last but by no means least
… we have the Liberal Democrats.
They were formed from the synthesis of the old Liberal Party and a breakaway Laborista outfit called the Social Democrats.
Traditionally regarded as a wee bit twee and too woolly to real run the country.
They are currently led by Nick Clegg.
The previous leader was a Scotsman called Charles P. Kennedy who now spends his time as a guest presenter on various satirical TV shows
… like the BBC’s “Have I got news for you” and other such activities.
Nick Clegg was quite honest when interviewed about his religious viewpoint and was openly atheist (quite a refreshing change huh)
… we don’t do God!”
… he told the interviewer.
He also has a sexy Spanish wife called Miriam (also a lawyer).
That makes him fairly street-cred from a European perspective.
Obviously in the U.S.A.
… nobody would have the ‘balls’
… to say they were atheist
… if they intended to be the American leader and stand for the high office of the White House.
I won’t tell you what I think of Mr. Hussein Obama yet …!
Scotland; Wales; and N. Ireland now have devolved governments (one of the key Blair / Brown’s flag-ship initiatives to make Britain more democratic by de-centralising power away from London)
In Scotland the Laboristas have a battle with the Scottish Nationalists (S.N.P.) led by Alex Salmond and his robotic female deputy Nicola Sturgeon.
They have been the so-called ‘Scottish government’ (sic) since the Holyrood elections of 2007.
Salmond’s title or designation is that of ‘First Minister’.
Sturgeon is duputy-dog.
I could joke about the S.N.P. now
… but I am sure there will be lots of opportunities for that in the weeks to come.
Obviously since (I chose to) live in England rather than Scotland
… I do have an opinion about whether the UK should be broken up into its 4 constituent countries. Later we can talk about Spain and their similar venture / experiment in de-centralising power away from Madrid.
I will take a rest now … back later!!
The start
I have started this blog because it seems very important to freely express yourself in the modern world we live in.
I am a Scot, however I live in the North of England and have previously lived in other parts of the E.U.
Many people have never left their own street ... never mind the city or town they grew up in.
Very few people make the effort (well in England anyway) to learn another European language. For the purposes of 'integration' this seems extremely important.
Early this week, the British Prime Minister Gordon Brown ... our 'great leader' (and also Scottish)... went to see Queen Lizzie (that woman of German extraction whose face is on our Brit money) to ask her permission to dissolve parliament and declare the date (6th May 2010) for the British General Election.
I am struck by the fact that many people do not seem to care about this or other aspects of their lives
... which are part and parcel of living in a modern secular democracy.
Also it being an Election now seems like a good time to voice certain opinions since as the old adage goes "diversity is strength"
... and diversity of opinion is a good thing too!!
Good!!
I imagine most people under the age of 35 have just collectively sighed a massive yawn
... have logged off now
... and stopped reading
... hmmm?
I am a Scot, however I live in the North of England and have previously lived in other parts of the E.U.
Many people have never left their own street ... never mind the city or town they grew up in.
Very few people make the effort (well in England anyway) to learn another European language. For the purposes of 'integration' this seems extremely important.
Early this week, the British Prime Minister Gordon Brown ... our 'great leader' (and also Scottish)... went to see Queen Lizzie (that woman of German extraction whose face is on our Brit money) to ask her permission to dissolve parliament and declare the date (6th May 2010) for the British General Election.
I am struck by the fact that many people do not seem to care about this or other aspects of their lives
... which are part and parcel of living in a modern secular democracy.
Also it being an Election now seems like a good time to voice certain opinions since as the old adage goes "diversity is strength"
... and diversity of opinion is a good thing too!!
Good!!
I imagine most people under the age of 35 have just collectively sighed a massive yawn
... have logged off now
... and stopped reading
... hmmm?
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